Jazz Music Club
Developers claim that opening a jazz music club in Monroe will be an extremely profitable venture. The arguers cite successful show attended, the highly rated radio program and the annual amount spent on jazz nationwide as evidence.True, the presented evidence give encouraging prospects of this venture. However, more research needs to be done to be certain. The arguments claim is based on unjustified claims that attended, shows, highly rated radio programs, and average spending on fans indicate a ready market, thus, unless sufficient evidence is provided, the argument remains unpersuasive as it stands.
Firstly, the argument used the attendance of a concert as proof. True, a large number of people at music concerts indicates the popularity of that particular music. After all, people only attend shows of music that they enjoy. in short, attendance of music concert is a good indicator of a ready market. However, this claim is based on the assumption that all the fans that attended the show reside in Monroe. It is common for people to travel across towns to attend music concerts. so how do we know where all the people reside. If the majority of the people who attended the concert where people from other towns, this would invalidate the assumption made by the group of developers. Furthermore, the argument rests on the assumption that high attendance of music concerts indicates ready market for the club. But, one thing for sure is a club and a concert are two different things. it is possible that people may enjoy attending music concerts and not like clubs, and therefor unlikely to go to any clubs. In order to put the argument on a more sound footing, the arguers must provide evidence that all the concert goers are residents of Monroe and also show prove that the people who attended the concert are interested in the jazz club.
The radio program is a good indicator of popular, though based on many assumptions. Highly rated programs certainly means that people do enjoy the programs. However does that directly translate to evidence of people coming to the club? what if the radio listeners are from distant towns? radio channels are not confined to one town. It is likely that listeners are from other towns. The argument rests of the assumption that the listeners are from within the town or close proximity to the proposed area for building the club. If majority of the of the listeners are more distant towns, there is a strong likelihood that music club wont be as profitable as assumed. In order to validate the claims, the developers need to demonstrate , by showing that the radio listeners reside in close proximity to the site of development of the club
Finally, the conclusion rests of the assumption that the music fans in Monroe will spend as much as the nationwide average. Yet, it is known that different towns tend to have different economic status. Unless, figures showing that Monroe is also of equal economic status as other towns where fans spend at least $1000 yearly on music. There is no way of justifying this assumption. What is the town Monroe is a low income town. This would mean that most people wont afford to spend as much as other high income towns on music. To justify the claims, the author needs to provide data showing that Monroe is a high income town and the people can afford to spend $1000 on music.
In conclusion, the developers argument rests on assumptions that attendance of the music concert, highly rated radio program will directly translate to the success of the club. More evidence to be provided to substantiate the claims.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 3 2
No. of Sentences: 29 15
No. of Words: 613 350
No. of Characters: 2922 1500
No. of Different Words: 223 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.976 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.767 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.462 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 199 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 140 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 103 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 60 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.138 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.168 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.517 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.298 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.482 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.089 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 234, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: True
...nt spent on jazz nationwide as evidence.True, the presented evidence give encouragin...
^^^^
Line 1, column 492, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...o programs, and average spending on fans indicate a ready market, thus, unless su...
^^
Line 3, column 72, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...attendance of a concert as proof. True, a large number of people at music concerts indicates the ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 142, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...sic concerts indicates the popularity of that particular music. After all, people...
^^
Line 3, column 229, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: In
... attend shows of music that they enjoy. in short, attendance of music concert is a...
^^
Line 3, column 325, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...r of a ready market. However, this claim is based on the assumption that all the ...
^^
Line 3, column 404, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...he fans that attended the show reside in Monroe. It is common for people to trave...
^^
Line 3, column 487, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: So
... across towns to attend music concerts. so how do we know where all the people res...
^^
Line 3, column 668, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ld invalidate the assumption made by the group of developers. Furthermore, the ar...
^^
Line 3, column 891, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...and a concert are two different things. it is possible that people may enjoy atten...
^^
Line 5, column 158, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...eans that people do enjoy the programs. However does that directly translate to evidenc...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 237, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: What
... evidence of people coming to the club? what if the radio listeners are from distant...
^^^^
Line 5, column 289, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Radio
...radio listeners are from distant towns? radio channels are not confined to one town. ...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 468, Rule ID: CLOSE_SCRUTINY[1]
Message: Use simply 'proximity'.
Suggestion: proximity
...e listeners are from within the town or close proximity to the proposed area for building the c...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 540, Rule ID: PHRASE_REPETITION[1]
Message: This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only 'of the'.
Suggestion: of the
...area for building the club. If majority of the of the listeners are more distant towns, there...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 734, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...aims, the developers need to demonstrate , by showing that the radio listeners res...
^^
Line 5, column 783, Rule ID: CLOSE_SCRUTINY[1]
Message: Use simply 'proximity'.
Suggestion: proximity
...wing that the radio listeners reside in close proximity to the site of development of the club ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 837, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...y to the site of development of the club Finally, the conclusion rests of the ass...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 317, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'yearly' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'yearlies'.
Suggestion: yearlies
...her towns where fans spend at least 000 yearly on music. There is no way of justifying...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 20, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'developers'' or 'developer's'?
Suggestion: developers'; developer's
...end 000 on music. In conclusion, the developers argument rests on assumptions that atte...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, firstly, furthermore, however, if, may, so, thus, after all, at least, in conclusion, in short
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 29.0 19.6327345309 148% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 9.0 12.9520958084 69% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 27.0 13.6137724551 198% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 77.0 55.5748502994 139% => OK
Nominalization: 23.0 16.3942115768 140% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2999.0 2260.96107784 133% => OK
No of words: 612.0 441.139720559 139% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.90032679739 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.97379470361 4.56307096286 109% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56117039515 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 244.0 204.123752495 120% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.398692810458 0.468620217663 85% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 940.5 705.55239521 133% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 15.0 8.76447105788 171% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 33.0 19.7664670659 167% => OK
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 63.3370159869 57.8364921388 110% => OK
Chars per sentence: 90.8787878788 119.503703932 76% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.5454545455 23.324526521 80% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.66666666667 5.70786347227 64% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 20.0 5.25449101796 381% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 14.0 4.67664670659 299% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.271042179113 0.218282227539 124% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0743917389704 0.0743258471296 100% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0854707657847 0.0701772020484 122% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.157422816137 0.128457276422 123% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0395338450487 0.0628817314937 63% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.9 14.3799401198 76% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 61.67 48.3550499002 128% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.1 12.197005988 75% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.14 12.5979740519 88% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.26 8.32208582834 87% => OK
difficult_words: 106.0 98.500998004 108% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.5 12.3882235529 93% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 54.17 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.25 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.