"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Animals help us understand many things about humans, including biology, physiology and behavior. Rhesus monkeys are a close relative of humans and many scientists have used them in experiments. Based on the findings of some studies, the author’s statement that birth order has an effect on an individual’s levels of stimulation is flawed due to assumptions that need further validation.
The study found that first born rhesus monkeys produced twice as much cortisol, a stress hormone, than their younger siblings. Therefore, the author claims that birth order has an effect on the monkey’s level of stimulation. While it seems to be a valid conclusion, the author failed to provide more information on the age of these monkeys and how the study was conducted. If the first born monkeys and their siblings are presented the stimulation at the same time, and the first born monkeys produced more cortisol, it is likely because the first born monkeys are more mature and are sensitive to stimulation, while their younger siblings are too young and immature to sense danger. If the study is carried out in a way that they waited for the younger siblings to be the same age as the first born monkey and then measure their stress level, the conclusion will be more valid, although the experiment will take a longer time.
Then the author discussed that first born humans are reported to have higher cortisol levels to stimulation based, so that the birth order can affect human babies. Note here the stimulation, returning of an absent parent, is very different from the first scenario - encountering an unfamiliar individual. Although both scenarios are stimulation, they are inherently different in nature. Returning of an absent parent is something a baby would like to see, as opposed to interacting with someone unfamiliar. It is possible that first born human babies react very differently to other stimulations and produce less cortisol compared to their younger siblings.
The author’s conclusion is also based on the fact that first-time mothers have higher cortisol levels than mothers who have already had children. This evidence does not support the author’s claim because first-time mothers don’t have to be their parent’s first born. The mother can be the youngest sibling in her family, and having her first baby. The fact that they are experiencing more stress is most likely because they have never had a baby before and it is a new experience for them - they will be more nervous as they have no idea what to expect, and thus producing more stress hormones. HOwever, this doesn’t provide any relations on whether the mothers are themselves first born babies and whether being the first borns have any effect on the stimulation (having a baby).
The author’s claim that birth order has an effect on individual’s level of stimulation is based on inadequate evidence, glossing over the age difference, types of stimulation, and effects between parents and children. Therefore, the claim remains invalid if there’s no further research and validation.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 502 350
No. of Characters: 2504 1500
No. of Different Words: 222 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.733 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.988 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.582 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 181 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 134 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 91 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 55 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.1 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 11.476 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.338 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.556 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.113 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 222, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...mulation, returning of an absent parent, is very different from the first scenari...
^^
Line 7, column 404, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...aby. The fact that they are experiencing more stress is most likely because they ...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, however, if, so, then, therefore, thus, while
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 28.8173652695 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 45.0 55.5748502994 81% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 16.3942115768 116% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2625.0 2260.96107784 116% => OK
No of words: 500.0 441.139720559 113% => OK
Chars per words: 5.25 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.72870804502 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.90426838375 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 228.0 204.123752495 112% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.456 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 813.6 705.55239521 115% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 2.70958083832 332% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 25.0 22.8473053892 109% => OK
Sentence length SD: 62.0414982089 57.8364921388 107% => OK
Chars per sentence: 131.25 119.503703932 110% => OK
Words per sentence: 25.0 23.324526521 107% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.9 5.70786347227 51% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 2.0 8.20758483034 24% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.228936862901 0.218282227539 105% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0883577298034 0.0743258471296 119% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0919208168808 0.0701772020484 131% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.156545758331 0.128457276422 122% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0712897736032 0.0628817314937 113% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.8 14.3799401198 110% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 46.1 48.3550499002 95% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.47 12.5979740519 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.54 8.32208582834 103% => OK
difficult_words: 116.0 98.500998004 118% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.0 11.1389221557 108% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.