The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper.
"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers — some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its
noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."
The argument that engine sound is not an important decision criteria for motorcycles since it is not for automobiles misses important differences between automobile and motorcycle customers and is therefore wrong. The article tries to analyze the reason why copies of motorcycle X do not sell as well as the original ones but fails important aspects to substantiate its argumentation.
First of all, car customers are not a proper reference to compare with motorcycle customers. While car customers might not want to have engine noise in the car, motorcycle customers do pay attention on the engine roar. Preferences of car customers are different than the ones of motorcycle customers. The article misses this important fact and does a mistake by comparing the foreign cars' success despite the low engine sound with the foreign motorcycles' failure to sell well.
Second, the motorcycle X's marketing strategy is not a valid reference to determine the importance of the engine sound for the company's identity. Marketing strategy depends on many aspects, it might be the case that the company wants to highlight other features of its motorcycles because the engine roar is already well-known. It also might be the case that the company's marketing department has found out that engine sound in television advertisements rather disturb people watching it. That is why the marketing strategy is not a good reference in order to find out how important the engine roar for the company is and the article clearly misses this fact.
The article could substantiate its argumentation with a survey among motorcycle customers in order to determine the importance of the engine sound for motorcycle buyers. In order to find other explanations for the failure of copy motorcycles, the article could use additional surveys to understand what makes people buy the motorcycle X.
In summary, all the references the article uses are not qualified for a correct comparison and conclusion. Car customers, as the first reference, are obviously different then motorcycle buyers and have different preferences. As the second reference, the marketing strategy depends on many aspects and does not solely highlight the product's strengths. The article bases its argumentation on these weak references and therefore fails to make its point.
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Comments
Hey, I'm sorry for that. The
Hey, I'm sorry for that. The essay topic should be there now. Thanks!
Sentence: Preferences of car
Sentence: Preferences of car customers are different than the ones of motorcycle customers.
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace 'different than' with 'different to'
'more than' or '...er than'
Sentence: Car customers, as the first reference, are obviously different then motorcycle buyers and have different preferences.
Description: The word then is not usually used as an adjective
Suggestion: Refer to then
flaws:
No. of Different Words: 158 200
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 367 350
No. of Characters: 1923 1500
No. of Different Words: 158 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.377 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.24 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.919 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 120 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 78 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.938 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.189 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.688 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.385 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.631 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.133 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Can you please edit the essay and put the essay topic?