"The best way for a society to prepare its young people for leadership in government, industry, or other fields is by instilling in them a sense of cooperation, not competition."
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Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.
The civilisation and development of the human society has depended upon our ability to colaborate our efforts to overcome and survive the forces of nature. In my opinion, it is the sense of cooperation and not competition that we must nurture in the youth to make them better leaders in government, industry or other fields for the following reasons.
Firstly, in the formative years of an individual, it is imperative to nurture the young mind of a child in a collaborative environment to ensure that the person grows up to be one who supports his peers when aiming to achieve a common goal. A prolonged study on primates in a controlled environment have confirmed such behaviour. Test subjects were grown and nurtured in two groups with contrasting environments. The first group's members, in their formative years, had to contantly compete with their fellow inmates to win food. The second group, on the other hand, was rewarded with food for tasks demanding cooperation and collective strategy. When individuals were subjected to psychometric tests to judge their capabilities which would correspond to a human's leadership skills, the second group was found to fare substantially better than the first one.
Furthermore, a person constantly subjected to competioin instead of cooperation is likely to develop hostility towards any person from whom he perceives a threat. When such threat comes in a professional environment, such hostility can severly hamper one's ability to lead his group. A survey on around 1000 managerial staff at an anonymous firm studied the educational background of the staff. The study demonstrated that those who went to an education system where collaborative excercises and team work were given higher preference as well as more weightage in scoring than merely competitive pen-and-paper exams turned out to be higher performing managers than those who were educated in an evironment where the performance was strictly judged on the student's ranks based on competitive examinations.
It may be contended that it is the sense of competition that drives humans to better themselves and to achieve more than their peers. The success of capitalism is, in fact, contingent upon the sense of competition that pits firms against each other. However, we must remember that these firms are able to effectively compete and innovate because of the cooperative efforts of its employees. A human driven merely by the pursuit to overcome his fellow mates will learn nothing but hostility and shall, in fact, achieve much more while collborating with his peers than he would on his own.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 757, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'humans'' or 'human's'?
Suggestion: humans'; human's
...apabilities which would correspond to a humans leadership skills, the second group was...
^^^^^^
Line 9, column 252, Rule ID: ONES[1]
Message: Did you mean 'one's'?
Suggestion: one's
...ment, such hostility can severly hamper ones ability to lead his group. A survey on ...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, firstly, furthermore, however, may, second, so, well, while, in fact, as well as, in my opinion, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.5258426966 82% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.4196629213 64% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 14.8657303371 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 11.3162921348 150% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 33.0505617978 100% => OK
Preposition: 66.0 58.6224719101 113% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 12.9106741573 124% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2199.0 2235.4752809 98% => OK
No of words: 420.0 442.535393258 95% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.23571428571 5.05705443957 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.52701905584 4.55969084622 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.98224051736 2.79657885939 107% => OK
Unique words: 239.0 215.323595506 111% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.569047619048 0.4932671777 115% => OK
syllable_count: 694.8 704.065955056 99% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59117977528 107% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 6.24550561798 64% => OK
Article: 10.0 4.99550561798 200% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 2.0 3.10617977528 64% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.77640449438 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.38483146067 137% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 20.2370786517 79% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 26.0 23.0359550562 113% => OK
Sentence length SD: 77.4628691293 60.3974514979 128% => OK
Chars per sentence: 137.4375 118.986275619 116% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.25 23.4991977007 112% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.875 5.21951772744 151% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.97078651685 80% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 7.80617977528 26% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 10.2758426966 117% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 5.13820224719 39% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.83258426966 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0706164217456 0.243740707755 29% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0246193148412 0.0831039109588 30% => Sentence topic similarity is low.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0378850903932 0.0758088955206 50% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0514370610121 0.150359130593 34% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0435437022592 0.0667264976115 65% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.4 14.1392134831 116% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 36.63 48.8420337079 75% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.92365168539 141% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.6 12.1743820225 120% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.41 12.1639044944 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.1 8.38706741573 109% => OK
difficult_words: 111.0 100.480337079 110% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 20.0 11.8971910112 168% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.2143820225 111% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.7820224719 102% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5/6 paragraphs with 3/4 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: reason 4. address both of the views presented for reason 4 (optional)
para 6: conclusion.
It is not exactly right on the topic in the view of e-grader. Maybe there is a wrong essay topic.
Rates: 16.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 1.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.