Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today. Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or they just environment?

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Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today.
Are these shows a good method of finding talented people, or they just environment?

Nowadays, television has many functions for us. Not only as entertaining on screen but also we can join their programs by visiting to television office. We can show our skill there. So, this one will change our life in the future.

As we know, there are many talented programs showed by televisions by television programmer. They make those, not only for entertaining television audiences, but also for making a high rating and reaching a lot of money. We can see many examples now, such as Master Chef seeing cooking skill of certain people. This event was shown at the beginning in one country, then this one is followed by many countries such as Indonesia, Philippines, USA Mexico, etc.

The other example, we can see X-factor, Indonesian idol, American idol. Those programs are booming now. They give a happiness for many inhabitants in the world by singing. Many residents, inside or outside of country can join or just support their idol by voting every day, in order to their idol do not lose from the competition.

Otherwise, in our parent generation, becoming famous person was very difficult, we must have a wealth as a modal for our bright future. Even though this is not easy, sometimes the outputs are better and longer than actress in today generation. For distance, we can look at Agnes Monica. She is talented person from childhood. She began her career difficultly. She is now well-known, not only as a singer, but also as an actress and a dancer in Indonesia and international. In Indonesia now is so often that person beginning her career by simple way. But, this way is not durable. He/she is famous for a moment and never seeing on television again.

In conclusion, becoming well-known person is so difficult and not simple. We cannot begin it instantly. If he/she want to be a famous person in the longest period. So, he/she should improve his/her skill every time, in order to many audiences do not leave him/her. It is because he/she is an entertainer now. As idol, he/she must show his/her good ability and attitude on screen and in real life.

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2013-12-19 naflaawfiyah 45 view
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Not only as entertaining on screen but also we can join their programs by visiting to television office.
Description: not only ... but also ... is not used properly

in order to their idol do not lose from the competition.
in order to support their idols who do not lose from the competition.

In Indonesia now is so often that person beginning her career by simple way.
In Indonesia now it is so often that the person is beginning her career by simple way.

Sentence: If he/she want to be a famous person in the longest period.
Description: The fragment she want to is rare
Suggestion: Possible agreement error: Replace want with verb, past tense

flaws:
Avg. Sentence Length: 13.519 21.0

Don't use 'not only ... but also' a lot of times in one essay

Learn how to use ' in order to'

Read a good grammar book.

The essay is not exactly right on the topic.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ?
Category: ? Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 365 350
No. of Characters: 1647 1500
No. of Different Words: 190 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.371 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.512 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.529 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 112 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 71 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 54 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 13.519 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.685 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.444 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.272 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.456 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.184 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5