Players earn more money from games, whereas successful professional can make a big deal of money then people in another important profession discuss both views.

Essay topics:

Players earn more money from games, whereas successful professional can make a big deal of money then people in another important profession discuss both views.

Sports are the major part of every country, and some famous players earn much more money from it. successful professionals can make a big deal of money than masses in another vital profession. I will going to discuss both views in upcoming paragraphs.

To commence with, players who are in successful sports profession get more money, rather than other important profession.This is because of the effort they invested in their early life to achieve there goal. Also, they become famous with their talent and sports, and people started like them a lot. For instance, Usain bolt won 3 gold medals in Olympics. He just ran on the track , less than 2 minutes in his carrier. However, he made 119 million dollars with his achievement. No doubt, he spend 115 seconds on running track, but he prepared himself for this occassion from last 20 years, and that was his struggle.Also, there are many professional personalities like him. So, they are justified for this deal of money.

In contrast, masses who work in other important profession also have their importance. Other professional workers might be not famous as professional players, but this is not underestimated, that they have skills to do work, extremely. They should also earn much more money. All professions have there own value. As the phrase stated, no one is you and that is your power. So, people work in other higher profession must be given equal reputation because they do which is their job. If successful sports professionals get more money, it could be unfair for those, who worked in other valuable professions, in order to pay less money than professional sport players.This would be perfect illustration.

Nevertheless, in my opinion, successful professionals as well as people who work in other profession should be given equal opportunities and get same amount of money. So that, they do not lose their interest in their profession.

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Average: 7.3 (1 vote)
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IELTS Writing Task II - IELTS Academic

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 201, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: 'go'
Suggestion: go
...ses in another vital profession. I will going to discuss both views in upcoming parag...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 49, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'sports'' or 'sport's'?
Suggestion: sports'; sport's
...nce with, players who are in successful sports profession get more money, rather than ...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 122, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: This
... rather than other important profession.This is because of the effort they invested ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 380, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ls in Olympics. He just ran on the track , less than 2 minutes in his carrier. How...
^^
Line 3, column 491, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'spends'.
Suggestion: spends
...lars with his achievement. No doubt, he spend 115 seconds on running track, but he pr...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 616, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Also
...ast 20 years, and that was his struggle.Also, there are many professional personalit...
^^^^
Line 5, column 297, Rule ID: THERE_OWN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'their own'?
Suggestion: their own
...n much more money. All professions have there own value. As the phrase stated, no one i...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 335, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...e there own value. As the phrase stated, no one is you and that is your power. So...
^^^
Line 5, column 668, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: This
...s money than professional sport players.This would be perfect illustration. Never...
^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, nevertheless, second, so, well, for instance, in contrast, no doubt, as well as, in my opinion

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 13.1623246493 114% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 7.85571142285 102% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 10.4138276553 77% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 7.30460921844 123% => OK
Pronoun: 39.0 24.0651302605 162% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 33.0 41.998997996 79% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 8.3376753507 72% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1597.0 1615.20841683 99% => OK
No of words: 316.0 315.596192385 100% => OK
Chars per words: 5.05379746835 5.12529762239 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.21620550194 4.20363070211 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.89566193541 2.80592935109 103% => OK
Unique words: 182.0 176.041082164 103% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.575949367089 0.561755894193 103% => OK
syllable_count: 468.0 506.74238477 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.60771543086 93% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 12.0 5.43587174349 221% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 0.0 2.52805611222 0% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.10420841683 143% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 0.809619238477 618% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.76152304609 84% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 16.0721442886 118% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 20.2975951904 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 57.1245904717 49.4020404114 116% => OK
Chars per sentence: 84.0526315789 106.682146367 79% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.6315789474 20.7667163134 80% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.21052631579 7.06120827912 88% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.38176352705 91% => OK
Language errors: 9.0 5.01903807615 179% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.67935871743 127% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.9879759519 50% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 3.4128256513 176% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.31437093136 0.244688304435 128% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0974040112139 0.084324248473 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0995309203485 0.0667982634062 149% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.227380665372 0.151304729494 150% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.125197248202 0.056905535591 220% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.7 13.0946893788 82% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 63.7 50.2224549098 127% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.44779559118 42% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.4 11.3001002004 74% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.71 12.4159519038 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.28 8.58950901804 85% => OK
difficult_words: 57.0 78.4519038076 73% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 9.78957915832 77% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 10.1190380762 83% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 10.7795591182 74% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 73.0337078652 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 6.5 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.