If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Essay topics:

If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

I currently live in a place where there are a lot of things i don't admire that.The place where i currently live in isn't as same as the city and many people are suffering and their life quality haven't improved due to the lack of education.If i am in the situation where i may be able to change one thing.Education is the one i must make a difference in my community.

To begin with,First of all,I currently live in a place where many people are always superstitious. Though there is only one hospital,Many people don't go to the hospital because of superstition and poverty.There are some people who are rich even can't go to the hospital and they will call Priests or someone who is well-
experienced if they get sick.There is still violence and discrimination increasing day by day.They haven't gotten education.As a result,they do the stupid things which
makes it more difficult to develop our hometown.Furthermore,Many people can't go to school or college because there are no government schools or college available.
There are some private schools and colleges available but their annual costs are very expensive and they can't able to pay for education.so that i would like to open
a school and a college where many people can get good quality education for free.

Secondly,if A good school and college are being opened,many people can change their lifestyle and would be able to learn something important.I would to talk this from
my experiences.Two years ago,The local election happened.Many people didn't know what the election meant and why it was important for them.When there was a election,
many candidates had given moneys and foods to many people in order to vote for them.Many people voted for the one who gave a large amount of money and foods and chose
bad candidates and till now,our hometown hasn't improved and are the same as usual.so that I think the schools and colleges must be opened prior to opening industry,
making roads.If many people have got education and they may have the capacity to understand what is wrong or right and can judge,we can develop our hometown and
make a lot of difference in our hometown together.With education,they may be able to get jobs and fulfill their family's wishes.

In conclusion,with the development of education,they may be able to change their lifestyle and can be different from the way they used to behave and they may help
develop our hometown so that our priority is to open much schools and colleges as possible as we can.

Votes
Average: 6.6 (1 vote)
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Essays by user Laxgansar 10 :

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 63, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...place where there are a lot of things i dont admire that.The place where i currently...
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Line 1, column 80, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: The
... are a lot of things i dont admire that.The place where i currently live in isnt as...
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Line 1, column 116, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
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Suggestion: isn't
...hat.The place where i currently live in isnt as same as the city and many people are...
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Line 1, column 194, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
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Suggestion: haven't
...le are suffering and their life quality havent improved due to the lack of education.I...
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Line 1, column 239, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: If
...t improved due to the lack of education.If i am in the situation where i may be ab...
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Line 1, column 239, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...t improved due to the lack of education.If i am in the situation where i may be ab...
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Line 1, column 242, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
...mproved due to the lack of education.If i am in the situation where i may be able...
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Line 1, column 270, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
...ducation.If i am in the situation where i may be able to change one thing.Educati...
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Line 1, column 304, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Education
...where i may be able to change one thing.Education is the one i must make a difference in ...
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Line 1, column 325, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
...o change one thing.Education is the one i must make a difference in my community....
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Line 3, column 14, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: , First
...erence in my community. To begin with,First of all,I currently live in a place wher...
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Line 3, column 27, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: , I
...community. To begin with,First of all,I currently live in a place where many pe...
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Line 3, column 133, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , Many
...tious. Though there is only one hospital,Many people dont go to the hospital because ...
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Line 3, column 146, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
... there is only one hospital,Many people dont go to the hospital because of superstit...
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Line 3, column 206, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: There
...tal because of superstition and poverty.There are some people who are rich even cant ...
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Line 3, column 246, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...There are some people who are rich even cant go to the hospital and they will call P...
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Line 4, column 30, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: There
... is well- experienced if they get sick.There is still violence and discrimination in...
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Line 4, column 95, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: They
...nd discrimination increasing day by day.They havent gotten education.As a result,the...
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Line 4, column 100, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: haven't
...scrimination increasing day by day.They havent gotten education.As a result,they do th...
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...day by day.They havent gotten education.As a result,they do the stupid things whic...
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Line 4, column 135, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
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...They havent gotten education.As a result,they do the stupid things which makes it m...
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Line 5, column 50, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: Furthermore
... more difficult to develop our hometown.Furthermore,Many people cant go to school or colleg...
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Line 5, column 61, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , Many
...cult to develop our hometown.Furthermore,Many people cant go to school or college bec...
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Line 5, column 74, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...op our hometown.Furthermore,Many people cant go to school or college because there a...
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Line 6, column 106, Rule ID: CANT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'can't' or 'cannot'?
Suggestion: can't; cannot
...nnual costs are very expensive and they cant able to pay for education.so that i wou...
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Line 6, column 145, Rule ID: I_LOWERCASE[2]
Message: Did you mean 'I'?
Suggestion: I
... cant able to pay for education.so that i would like to open a school and a col...
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Line 9, column 9, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , if
... quality education for free. Secondly,if A good school and college are being ope...
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Line 9, column 55, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , many
...good school and college are being opened,many people can change their lifestyle and w...
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Line 9, column 142, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: I
...ld be able to learn something important.I would to talk this from my experiences...
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Suggestion: Two
...would to talk this from my experiences.Two years ago,The local election happened.M...
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Line 10, column 29, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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... this from my experiences.Two years ago,The local election happened.Many people did...
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Line 10, column 58, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: Many
...o years ago,The local election happened.Many people didnt know what the election mea...
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Line 10, column 70, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: didn't
...The local election happened.Many people didnt know what the election meant and why it...
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Line 10, column 139, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: When
...meant and why it was important for them.When there was a election, many candidates ...
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Line 10, column 154, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'an' instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
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...t was important for them.When there was a election, many candidates had given mo...
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Suggestion: Many
...o many people in order to vote for them.Many people voted for the one who gave a lar...
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Line 12, column 28, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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...s and chose bad candidates and till now,our hometown hasnt improved and are the sam...
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Line 12, column 42, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: hasn't
...ad candidates and till now,our hometown hasnt improved and are the same as usual.so t...
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Suggestion: If
...rior to opening industry, making roads.If many people have got education and they...
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Line 13, column 129, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: , we
...and what is wrong or right and can judge,we can develop our hometown and make a l...
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Line 13, column 161, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...an judge,we can develop our hometown and make a lot of difference in our hometown...
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Suggestion: With
... of difference in our hometown together.With education,they may be able to get jobs ...
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Line 14, column 65, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , they
... in our hometown together.With education,they may be able to get jobs and fulfill the...
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Line 16, column 14, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
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Suggestion: , with
...l their familys wishes. In conclusion,with the development of education,they may b...
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Line 16, column 48, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma
Suggestion: , they
...lusion,with the development of education,they may be able to change their lifestyle a...
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Line 16, column 163, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...ay they used to behave and they may help develop our hometown so that our priorit...
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Line 17, column 54, Rule ID: MUCH_COUNTABLE[1]
Message: Use 'many' with countable nouns.
Suggestion: many
...ometown so that our priority is to open much schools and colleges as possible as we ...
^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, furthermore, if, may, second, secondly, so, still, well, i think, in conclusion, as a result, first of all, to begin with

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 25.0 15.1003584229 166% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 9.8082437276 173% => OK
Conjunction : 29.0 13.8261648746 210% => Less conjunction wanted
Relative clauses : 14.0 11.0286738351 127% => OK
Pronoun: 44.0 43.0788530466 102% => OK
Preposition: 43.0 52.1666666667 82% => OK
Nominalization: 19.0 8.0752688172 235% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2087.0 1977.66487455 106% => OK
No of words: 426.0 407.700716846 104% => OK
Chars per words: 4.89906103286 4.8611393121 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.54310108192 4.48103885553 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.04188128048 2.67179642975 114% => OK
Unique words: 199.0 212.727598566 94% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.467136150235 0.524837075471 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 678.6 618.680645161 110% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.51630824373 106% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 9.59856630824 104% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 3.51792114695 227% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.86738351254 0% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 6.0 20.6003584229 29% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 71.0 20.1344086022 353% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 278.977697237 48.9658058833 570% => The lengths of sentences changed so frequently.
Chars per sentence: 347.833333333 100.406767564 346% => Less chars_per_sentence wanted.
Words per sentence: 71.0 20.6045352989 345% => Less words per sentence wanted.
Discourse Markers: 22.1666666667 5.45110844103 407% => Less transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 14.0 4.53405017921 309% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 47.0 5.5376344086 849% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 2.0 11.8709677419 17% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.85842293907 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.0836669657801 0.236089414692 35% => The similarity between the topic and the content is low.
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0444203438667 0.076458572812 58% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0311988541675 0.0737576698707 42% => Sentences are similar to each other.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0334446966382 0.150856017488 22% => Maybe some paragraphs are off the topic.
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0243949566865 0.0645574589148 38% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 37.1 11.7677419355 315% => Automated_readability_index is high.
flesch_reading_ease: -0.59 58.1214874552 -1% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 15.9 6.10430107527 260% => Smog_index is high.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 31.0 10.1575268817 305% => Flesch kincaid grade is high.
coleman_liau_index: 12.32 10.9000537634 113% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.72 8.01818996416 121% => OK
difficult_words: 69.0 86.8835125448 79% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 19.0 10.002688172 190% => OK
gunning_fog: 30.4 10.0537634409 302% => Gunning_fog is high.
text_standard: 31.0 10.247311828 303% => The average readability is very high. Good job!
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 66.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 20.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.