Some parents offer their school age children money for each high grade mark they get in school Do you think this is a good idea

Essay topics:

Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Do you think this is a good idea?

Most people in the world think that young pupil should work hard to get a good performance in school. Personally, I believe it is a good idea that parents give appropriate rewards like money to their children. There are several reasons why I feel this way, which I will explore in the following essay.

To begin with, appropriate rewards can help children achieve more. Children can learn that hard work always come with reward, which encourage them to achieve higher grades next time. My personal experience is a compelling example of this. When I was in elementary school, I wasn't good at Math, and each time during maths exams, I did not perform well. But when I joining the middle school, my grandfather promised me with some pocket money if I passed the exam, I was eager to buy a mountain bike since I was nine. So I studied really hard, put a lot of time to prepare math exam, and I finally get a good grade. My grandfather fulfilled his promised on every exams during my middle school. I saved them all and finally I got my bike as soon as I graduated from middle school. After my middle school, I still kept to performance well in math.

Furthermore, giving children money can help them establish a good financial awareness. For instance, my brother was graduated from Financial Management major from Shanghai Financial University two years ago, he is now a professional trader working in the wall street, he begin to interested in finance since he was in seventh grade, when his parent always give him some pocket money after final exam in each semester. He saved those money and managed to invest stocks after he graduate from high school.

In conclusion, I strongly feel that children can benefited a lot if parents reward them using money. This is because money can encourage children to pursue a higher achievement and help them build a great financial awareness.

Votes
Average: 7 (1 vote)
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Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 275, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: wasn't
...his. When I was in elementary school, I wasnt good at Math, and each time during math...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 362, Rule ID: I_AM[1]
Message: Did you mean 'I am'?
Suggestion: I am
...exams, I did not perform well. But when I joining the middle school, my grandfath...
^
Line 5, column 272, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'begins'.
Suggestion: begins
...l trader working in the wall street, he begin to interested in finance since he was i...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 403, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...im some pocket money after final exam in each semester. He saved those money and ...
^^
Line 5, column 429, Rule ID: THIS_NNS[2]
Message: Did you mean 'this money' or 'those moneys', 'those monies'?
Suggestion: this money; those moneys; those monies
... final exam in each semester. He saved those money and managed to invest stocks after he g...
^^^^^^^^^^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, furthermore, if, really, so, still, well, for instance, i feel, in conclusion, to begin with

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 15.1003584229 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 9.8082437276 71% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 13.8261648746 43% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 9.0 11.0286738351 82% => OK
Pronoun: 48.0 43.0788530466 111% => OK
Preposition: 39.0 52.1666666667 75% => OK
Nominalization: 7.0 8.0752688172 87% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1561.0 1977.66487455 79% => OK
No of words: 328.0 407.700716846 80% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.75914634146 4.8611393121 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.25567506705 4.48103885553 95% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.58196789761 2.67179642975 97% => OK
Unique words: 179.0 212.727598566 84% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.545731707317 0.524837075471 104% => OK
syllable_count: 484.2 618.680645161 78% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 15.0 9.59856630824 156% => OK
Article: 0.0 3.08781362007 0% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.86738351254 161% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.94265232975 61% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 20.6003584229 83% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 19.0 20.1344086022 94% => OK
Sentence length SD: 60.5775547411 48.9658058833 124% => OK
Chars per sentence: 91.8235294118 100.406767564 91% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.2941176471 20.6045352989 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.23529411765 5.45110844103 114% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.5376344086 90% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 11.8709677419 126% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 3.85842293907 26% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.273781059389 0.236089414692 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0907312015538 0.076458572812 119% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.046110629326 0.0737576698707 63% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.173009832221 0.150856017488 115% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0519684038398 0.0645574589148 80% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.6 11.7677419355 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 60.65 58.1214874552 104% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.5 10.1575268817 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.33 10.9000537634 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.37 8.01818996416 92% => OK
difficult_words: 58.0 86.8835125448 67% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 6.5 10.002688172 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 10.0537634409 95% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------
We are expecting: No. of Words: 350 while No. of Different Words: 200
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:

para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.

So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:

reasons == advantages or

reasons == disadvantages

for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.

or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.


Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.