The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president."In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their

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The vice president of human resources at Climpson Industries sent the following recommendation to the company's president.

"In an effort to improve our employees' productivity, we should implement electronic monitoring of employees' Internet use from their workstations. Employees who use the Internet from their workstations need to be identified and punished if we are to reduce the number of work hours spent on personal or recreational activities, such as shopping or playing games. By installing software to detect employees' Internet use on company computers, we can prevent employees from wasting time, foster a better work ethic at Climpson, and improve our overall profits."

In the letter, Author make the hasty conclusion based on unwarranted conclusion that the productivity of employee will increase by only continuous work.

First, Author don’t mention which type of industry it is.If the industry is based on marketing, business product base then the use of internet is necessary. The employee must need the internet to communicate with their outside client or surfing the internet to get the knowledge of various technology, however if company banned the internet use the profit of company get decrease instead of increase.

Second, here the author argue that the only way to increase the profit of company is the whole time work, But high efficiency can be achieved by the smart distribution of work rather than work continuously .The productivity can be increase by giving better training to employee,by giving the free time to relive the stress and tension.

Third, if we banned such recreational activity and forced employee to work whole time this may result in decrease the efficiency of worker. The employee may get suffer from stress, anxiety.so,the efficiency of employee may get decrease, and productivity will get decrease.

Thus vice president should not make any hasty decision about banning of internet. . It May result in decrease the profit. Its ok to put time and site restrict of the internet .Issue regarding the total ban of internet should be thoroughly investigated before vide president ‘s recommendation is put into practice.

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Author don’t mention
The author doesn’t mention

here the author argue that
here the author argues that

can be increase by
can be increased by

Sentence: Third, if we banned such recreational activity and forced employee to work whole time this may result in decrease the efficiency of worker.
Description: The token in is not usually followed by a verb, base: uninflected present, imperative or infinitive
Suggestion: Refer to in and decrease

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argument 1 -- not OK

argument 2 -- not OK

argument 3 -- not OK
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: ? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 4 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 15
No. of Words: 242 350
No. of Characters: 1212 1500
No. of Different Words: 128 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 3.944 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.008 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.762 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 94 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 68 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 56 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 25 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.889 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 14.138 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.889 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.42 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.754 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.112 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5