An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be paid subsidies for farming the new variety of millet. Since millet is already a staple food in Tagus, people will readily adopt the new variety. To combat vitamin A deficiency, the government of Tagus should do everything it can to promote this new type of millet.
Though Vitamin A deficiency among the people of Tagus is a cause for concern and needs immediate solution, the author's argument calling for the government of Tagus to promote a new type of millet to address this deficiency is flawed on various levels due to several unwarranted assumptions.
Firstly, the Vitamin A deficiency could be due to variety of factors among the people. The author does not cite any research for the cause of the deficiency, instead he/she is trying to address the effect without any consideration to the cause. Say, if the people had a rare blood disease or mutation that does not allow their body to absorb Vitamin A, then, in spite consuming this new breed of millet, nothing will improve and the Vitamin A deficiency will still persist among the people of the nation. In order to find a solution, the government must first work on finding the root cause of the vitamin deficiency. To do this, they must do a medical checkup/profiling of the affected people and evaluate their lifestyle and diets. Based on the results, the government should look at steps to address the problem, instead of directly spending time and money on promoting a new breed of millet.
Another flaw in the author's argument is that he/she assumes without any backing that the subsidies provided by the government is enough to cover the additional costs for the farmers. The new variety of millets is already costlier than the earlier breed, but, there is no indication of the additional things that might be needed by this new breed- maybe, this new breed will require lots of water compared to the older breed or maybe it will require heavy use of pesticides and chemicals to grow properly- all of which require additional expenditure from the farmers, which might not be covered by the government subsidy. The author will benefit from providing a detailed requirements for the new breed and also information about the subsidy to help farmers decide whether it is beneficial for them to grow the new crops.
Even if the millet could address the Vitamin A deficiency among the people, the author does not give a strong argument as to why the people will readily adopt this new breed. He does not provide any information about the potential side effects of this new breed. If the new variety could address Vitamin A deficiency, but, has carcinogenic side-effect, then, there is no way that people will buy this genetically-engineered variant. In order to convince the people, independent testing must be done by government-approved labs to declare them safe for people use.
So, as we see, though Vitamin A deficiency must be addressed as soon as possible by the government of Tagus, the author's argument for promoting the new breed of millet is not persuasive because is flawed on many factors.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 --not OK
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- better to say: maybe people don't like the taste.
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Need to argue against the conclusion always. For this topic it is:
To combat vitamin A deficiency, the government of Tagus should do everything it can to promote this new type of millet.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 478 350
No. of Characters: 2277 1500
No. of Different Words: 205 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.676 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.764 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.731 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 161 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 128 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 45 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 31.867 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.17 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.402 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.608 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.19 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 112, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...ncern and needs immediate solution, the authors argument calling for the government of ...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 21, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...breed of millet. Another flaw in the authors argument is that he/she assumes without...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 672, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'requirement'?
Suggestion: requirement
... will benefit from providing a detailed requirements for the new breed and also information ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 341, Rule ID: AFFECT_EFFECT[14]
Message: Did you mean 'side effect' (=adverse effect, unintended consequence)? Open compounds are not hyphenated.
Suggestion: side effect
...min A deficiency, but, has carcinogenic side-effect, then, there is no way that people will...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 114, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...ossible by the government of Tagus, the authors argument for promoting the new breed of...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, if, look, may, so, still, then, as to
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 26.0 28.8173652695 90% => OK
Preposition: 62.0 55.5748502994 112% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2334.0 2260.96107784 103% => OK
No of words: 475.0 441.139720559 108% => OK
Chars per words: 4.91368421053 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.66845742379 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.82327171167 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 215.0 204.123752495 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.452631578947 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 728.1 705.55239521 103% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 6.0 2.70958083832 221% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 31.0 22.8473053892 136% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 87.875062826 57.8364921388 152% => OK
Chars per sentence: 155.6 119.503703932 130% => OK
Words per sentence: 31.6666666667 23.324526521 136% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.26666666667 5.70786347227 75% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.414759944816 0.218282227539 190% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.151287718204 0.0743258471296 204% => Sentence topic similarity is high.
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0962022493776 0.0701772020484 137% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.264992194654 0.128457276422 206% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0309766037827 0.0628817314937 49% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.5 14.3799401198 122% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 48.47 48.3550499002 100% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.79 12.5979740519 94% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.37 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 96.0 98.500998004 97% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.4 11.1389221557 129% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.