Tusk University should build a new recreational facility, both
to attract new students and to better serve the needs of our
current student body. Tusk projects that enrollment will
double over the next 10 years, based on current trends. The
new student body is expected to reflect a much higher
percentage of commuter students than we currently enroll.
This will make the existing facilities inadequate. Moreover, the
cost of health and recreation club membership in our
community has increased rapidly in recent years. Thus,
students will find it much more advantageous to make use of
the facilities on campus. Finally, an attractive new recreation
center would make prospective students, especially athletically
gifted ones, more likely to enroll at Tusk.
The memo detailing the need for a new recreational facility at Tusk university seems reasonable at first glance. But the memo mentions no critical data and evidence to support this recommendation. Like it does mention the doubled number of new enrollments but does not mention of number of graduating students. It does not mention any survey data showing if students are finding current facilities inadequate. It does mention that cost of others clubs has increased but does not cite any survey in which students expressed their difficulty in enrolling these clubs as result of high costs. Finally the memo does not cite any good correlation between new recreational activities and increased number athletically gifted students in any similar universities in the past.
The university mentions that number of new enrollments will be doubled. But there is no mention that after accounting for number graduating students this new numbers of student enrollement would be a burden on already available recreational facilites. If it seems to be a problem only then can the recommendation of new facility must be deemed reasonable.
In addition, the writer if this prompt must cite a survey which shows students expressing their difficulties with the existing facilties. The writer can also cite any complaints or requests lodged by students for a new facility due to the inadequacy of the old ones. Only after refering to these survey or complaints can the recommendation be considered seriously. The passage also does not cite any similar survey or set of complaints by students expressing their difficulties with the increasing costs of health and recreational faciltites. If not considered and this new facility proves to be unwanted, the funds allocated would go to waste. Also, any correlation between between higher percentage of commuter students and increased number of students who take part in recereational activities is not mentioned. It is possible that even after having commuted to campus, students might prefer to taking part recreational activities. So if there seems be a strong correlation in the concerned data can the recommendation for a new facility must be considered, otherwise the facility would only prove to be redundant.
Finally the passage also does not cite any date in similar schools correlating the increase in number of recreastional facilities and increase in number of athletically gifted students. I such data exits and there seems to be strong correlation then the concerned university offcials must consider this constructing this new facilty more seriously. Otherwise, the new facility can only prove to be a burden on university funds.
In conclusion, in the absence of thes above stated data and evidences the concerned stakeholders like the university officials, students must be skeptical of the recommendation to build a new recreational facility in the Tusk university campus.
| Post date | Users | Rates | Link to Content |
|---|---|---|---|
| 2019-09-07 | Sushanth Reddy | 42 | view |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 460 350
No. of Characters: 2427 1500
No. of Different Words: 183 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.631 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.276 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.066 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 182 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 146 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 118 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 81 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.905 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.732 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.81 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.359 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.536 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.1 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 591, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Finally,
...ng these clubs as result of high costs. Finally the memo does not cite any good correla...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 253, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ready available recreational facilites. If it seems to be a problem only then can ...
^^
Line 7, column 668, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: between
...ould go to waste. Also, any correlation between between higher percentage of commuter students ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 899, Rule ID: PREFER_TO_VBG[1]
Message: Did you mean 'take'?
Suggestion: take
...ted to campus, students might prefer to taking part recreational activities. So if the...
^^^^^^
Line 11, column 1, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Finally,
... would only prove to be redundant. Finally the passage also does not cite any date...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, if, so, then, in addition, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 21.0 28.8173652695 73% => OK
Preposition: 60.0 55.5748502994 108% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2480.0 2260.96107784 110% => OK
No of words: 460.0 441.139720559 104% => OK
Chars per words: 5.39130434783 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.6311565067 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.12948657137 2.78398813304 112% => OK
Unique words: 185.0 204.123752495 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.402173913043 0.468620217663 86% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 787.5 705.55239521 112% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 7.0 8.76447105788 80% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.8025145067 57.8364921388 77% => OK
Chars per sentence: 118.095238095 119.503703932 99% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.9047619048 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.19047619048 5.70786347227 56% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 12.0 6.88822355289 174% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.216167157477 0.218282227539 99% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0848774781185 0.0743258471296 114% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0579186121331 0.0701772020484 83% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.154566499846 0.128457276422 120% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0513635447519 0.0628817314937 82% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.9 14.3799401198 104% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 41.7 48.3550499002 86% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.7 12.197005988 104% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.98 12.5979740519 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.11 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 100.0 98.500998004 102% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.