GRE Argument: An international development organization, in response to a vitamin A deficiency among people in the impoverished nation of Tagus, has engineered a new breed of millet high in vitamin A. While seeds for this new type of millet cost more, farmers will be paid subsidies for farming the new variety of millet. Since millet is already a staple food in Tagus, people will readily adopt the new variety. To combat vitamin A deficiency, the government of Tagus should do everything it can to promote this new type of millet.
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
Deficiency of vitamin A is generally not healthy to the human body. As such the effort of the international development organization in identifying the impoverishment in the nation of Tagus to be due to Vitamin A deficiency needs to be lauded.
This recommendation however, is not conclusive. This is because there may be several other factors that compound to this impoverishment. This might include, poor standards of living, poverty, pollution and contamination of resources such as water, air and the list goes on.
As a result of this, the government of Talus has much more work to do, than just recommend the new breed of millet. The government might need to work on providing adequate social amenities as well as ensuring proper disposal of waste, increasing the minimum wage, and setting embargoes and penalties on pollution.
If this is not the case, and the cause of the impoverishment has been found scientifically and not skeptically to be due to vitamin A deficiency, then the government needs to conduct scientific evaluation for more sustainable solutions to this problem. Such scientific evaluation would help understand the gravity of the situation and also help convince the people that the engineered breed of millet is the best solution for the problem.
Furthermore, the government needs to know if the cultivation and consumption of such millet seeds by the inhabitants of Tagus would holistically and totally curb the impoverishment.
In addition to these, the government needs to conduct research to find out if there other natural supplements that can be utilized, and not just the engineered breed of millet. This would greatly generate support, as other forms of millet are being consumed as food.
Side effects from that might arise from the consumption of such engineered food products and which might be worse off than the initial problem to be solved, should also be taken into consideration before the recommendation is instituted by the government. Furthermore, the government needs to ascertain if the farmers would be willing to pay more to get these seeds and if inhabitants are welcoming of this engineered breed, as millet is already a staple food in Tagus, hence it is more likely that people will not accept the new variety as they already have other varieties that to them, serve the same purpose as the new one.
In all, the government needs to confirm the credibility of the international development organization, that is, if they are recognized by and/ or like the World Health Organization (WHO) and know if they are worth going into such delicate partnership with, as this case involves human lives.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 5 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 434 350
No. of Characters: 2164 1500
No. of Different Words: 201 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.564 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.986 4.6
Word Length SD: 3.021 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 136 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 114 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 69 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.933 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 15.026 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.8 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.33 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.629 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.07 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 69, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “As” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...enerally not healthy to the human body. As such the effort of the international de...
^^
Line 2, column 137, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...s that compound to this impoverishment. This might include, poor standards of living...
^^^^
Line 8, column 157, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... of Tagus would holistically and totally curb the impoverishment. In addition t...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, furthermore, hence, however, if, may, so, then, well, in addition, such as, as a result, as well as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 11.1786427146 134% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 59.0 55.5748502994 106% => OK
Nominalization: 31.0 16.3942115768 189% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2230.0 2260.96107784 99% => OK
No of words: 434.0 441.139720559 98% => OK
Chars per words: 5.13824884793 5.12650576532 100% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.56428161445 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 3.07559757991 2.78398813304 110% => OK
Unique words: 207.0 204.123752495 101% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.476958525346 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 693.9 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 15.0 19.7664670659 76% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 28.0 22.8473053892 123% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 86.6059787518 57.8364921388 150% => OK
Chars per sentence: 148.666666667 119.503703932 124% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.9333333333 23.324526521 124% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.0 5.70786347227 123% => OK
Paragraphs: 8.0 5.15768463074 155% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.276874958637 0.218282227539 127% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0968720351739 0.0743258471296 130% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0672350274995 0.0701772020484 96% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.124681443736 0.128457276422 97% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0568271644287 0.0628817314937 90% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.2 14.3799401198 120% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 43.06 48.3550499002 89% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.2 12.197005988 116% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.12 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.66 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 100.0 98.500998004 102% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 13.2 11.1389221557 119% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.