The following is a letter from the parent of a private school student to the principal of that school:
Last year, Kensington Academy turned over management of its cafeteria to a private vendor, Swift Nutrition. This company serves low-fat, low-calorie meals that students do not find enjoyable – my son and several of his friends came home yesterday complaining about the lunch options. While the intent of hiring Swift may have been to cause students to eat healthier foods, the plan is just going to cause students to bring their own, less healthy lunches instead of eating cafeteria food. If Swift is not replaced with another vendor, there will be serious health consequences for Kensington students.
__________
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.
The letter from the parent of Kensington Academy student to the principal of that school states that since the school turned over management of its cafeteria to a private vendor, Swift Nutrition which is serving low calorie and low fat meal to the students, the students are less enjoying the food and ultimately this will lead to serious health consequences for Kensington students. Though, the parent writing the essay reason out the a few things will may cause problems, before deciding that the predication and argument on which it is based are reasonable, three important questions needs to be answered.
Firstly, does replacing Swift nutrition with other vendor which will be serve high fat and high calorie diet will be beneficial to the health of the students? Young students are prone to enjoying food like chocolates, pizzas, burgers, and other fried and high calorie food. Serving such food will no doubly be enjoyed by young student and they will consume it with utter happiness but this will be harmful for them and may lead to obesity. Swift nutrition vendors serving healthy food may not be very tasty and enjoyable but at last if students will get habituated to such healthy alternative, it may will overall help and motivate them towards heathy lifestyle.
Secondly, it is also mentioned in the argument that the parent suspect that this may promote to bring students their own lunch which are less healthy. Do the parents consider the food a student gets from home unhealthy, and if not how a home made lunch can contribute to less healthy option ? Normally, the lunch prepared at home are full of nutrition and safe, consuming home made food can ultimately lead to a more healthy lifestyle. It is unclear here why a parent will consider bringing food from the home unhealthy.
Lastly, this argument is based upon the response which a parent hear from his or her son and group of his friends. Does all the students at Kensington Academy feels the same way? It could be matter of fact that his son and his friends are used to consuming unhealthy food and thus this healthy alternative suggested by Swift is not acceptable to them. Before reaching to the conclusion that the food is unhealthy and it should be replaced by another vendor, there could be general polling along with parents of the students and if majority of the population feels the food served can cause health consequences, then thinking of the alternative for Swift can be reasonable.
In a nutshell, before concluding to change the Swift vendor, above mentioned interrogation must be cleared. From the information mentioned in the letter, the motive and final decision is obscure. Had the parent mentioned more reasons for the same and have answered the series of queries which arises from the arguments, the firmness on the conclusion may have been stronger.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 6 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 480 350
No. of Characters: 2322 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.681 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.838 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.471 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 164 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 127 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 84 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.235 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.229 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.588 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.338 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.338 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.148 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 433, Rule ID: DT_DT[1]
Message: Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only 'the' or 'a' is left.
Suggestion: the; a
...the parent writing the essay reason out the a few things will may cause problems, bef...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, if, lastly, may, second, secondly, so, then, thus
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 26.0 19.6327345309 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 24.0 12.9520958084 185% => OK
Conjunction : 22.0 11.1786427146 197% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 30.0 28.8173652695 104% => OK
Preposition: 56.0 55.5748502994 101% => OK
Nominalization: 12.0 16.3942115768 73% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2368.0 2260.96107784 105% => OK
No of words: 480.0 441.139720559 109% => OK
Chars per words: 4.93333333333 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.68069463864 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.56912340179 2.78398813304 92% => OK
Unique words: 220.0 204.123752495 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.458333333333 0.468620217663 98% => OK
syllable_count: 714.6 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 5.0 4.96107784431 101% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 28.0 22.8473053892 123% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 80.9755826327 57.8364921388 140% => OK
Chars per sentence: 139.294117647 119.503703932 117% => OK
Words per sentence: 28.2352941176 23.324526521 121% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.47058823529 5.70786347227 78% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.271578543917 0.218282227539 124% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0896277735032 0.0743258471296 121% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.129493462748 0.0701772020484 185% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.164130612722 0.128457276422 128% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.145151048597 0.0628817314937 231% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 15.9 14.3799401198 111% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 51.52 48.3550499002 107% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.0 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.61 12.5979740519 92% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.48 8.32208582834 102% => OK
difficult_words: 105.0 98.500998004 107% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 29.0 12.3882235529 234% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 13.2 11.1389221557 119% => OK
text_standard: 13.0 11.9071856287 109% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.