The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
In the letter considered, the writer has only paid attention to the birth order as a factor affecting the levels of stimulation. If the writer had considered other factors alongside birth order, his assertion would have been better. Also, the number of samples is not enough for testing and conclusion. In addition to these, the writer has not mentioned that the experimentation has been done in an isolated area, so the samples may have been affected by other things in the area of the test. In the letter, humans and monkeys are considered together, we have to see that whether these two cases have the same conditions and features.
According to the letter “A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation”. The answer to one question is opaque. Does only birth order affect the levels of stimulation? The effects of other factors, such as sex and age should not be underestimated. Also, the number of samples are limited. It is possible that with more samples and more variety, the results would be completely different. If the writer had mentioned the influence of other factors and had increased the number of animals tested, his conclusion would have been more persuasive.
In the letter, there is no evidence to show that the test has been performed in a controlled condition. So, the amount of cortisol produced may be affected by other external factors, such as sound and light. These are things that the writer did not consider in his test. His assertion had been acceptable if he would have claimed that the test would have been done in an isolated area.
Also, the writer has brought the sample of humans alongside monkeys. There is no evidence to show that the results of humans and monkeys are similar. They have different physical conditions and DNA and reactions. Therefore, we cannot say exactly, humans like monkeys or vice versa produce the same amount of cortisol in stimulating conditions. The result of the test had been more convincing if the writer would have brought two more comparable cases.
The assertion of the writer has needed more checks, and he has to resolve all the doubts mentioned above.
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Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 2 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 22 15
No. of Words: 376 350
No. of Characters: 1788 1500
No. of Different Words: 155 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.403 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.755 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.524 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 130 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 88 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 59 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 40 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 17.091 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.775 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.545 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.328 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.504 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.097 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 312, Rule ID: IF_WOULD_HAVE_VBN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'had claimed'?
Suggestion: had claimed
...His assertion had been acceptable if he would have claimed that the test would have been done in a...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 387, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...uld have been done in an isolated area. Also, the writer has brought the sample ...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 407, Rule ID: IF_WOULD_HAVE_VBN[1]
Message: Did you mean 'had brought'?
Suggestion: had brought
... had been more convincing if the writer would have brought two more comparable cases. The asse...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 107, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...resolve all the doubts mentioned above.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, if, may, so, therefore, as to, in addition, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 19.6327345309 102% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 20.0 28.8173652695 69% => OK
Preposition: 44.0 55.5748502994 79% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1851.0 2260.96107784 82% => OK
No of words: 376.0 441.139720559 85% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.92287234043 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.40348946061 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.64631668953 2.78398813304 95% => OK
Unique words: 164.0 204.123752495 80% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.436170212766 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 578.7 705.55239521 82% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 11.0 8.76447105788 126% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 22.8473053892 74% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 38.9657881305 57.8364921388 67% => OK
Chars per sentence: 84.1363636364 119.503703932 70% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.0909090909 23.324526521 73% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.59090909091 5.70786347227 45% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.175543502243 0.218282227539 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0645340935301 0.0743258471296 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.144485110347 0.0701772020484 206% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0962587238375 0.128457276422 75% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.104581641642 0.0628817314937 166% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.3 14.3799401198 72% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.68 48.3550499002 130% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 12.197005988 71% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.96 12.5979740519 87% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.97 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 83.0 98.500998004 84% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 11.1389221557 79% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.