The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the application, the developers request to build a new jazz music club in Monroe. In order to support the conclusion, they indicate that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away. Besides, they provide several evidence to point out that jazz music is in vogue in Monroe city: grandly annual jazz festival last summer; the resident famed jazz musicians; and notable radio program. At last, they also use the nationwide study to prove that typical jazz fans prefer to spend money jazz entertainment. However, for proving the view that the new jazz club indeed turns out to be remunerative, developers fail to present critical support and we still need further evidence to evaluate the argument.
Firstly, the developers’ indication lacks of significant evidence to confirm that a new jazz club in Monroe city will draw plenty of local customers to compete with the existed jazz club. Even though the old nearest jazz club is far away from the city, it still can hold most of the customers by virtue of fancy decoration, unique jazz taste, pleasant service, and sporadic appearance of famous jazz musicians. Passing by many years operating management, it also has rich experience on running a jazz club and keeps a constant footfall. They know the local customers’ habits and tastes on music and serve well. The provided evidence from developers does not preclude the possibility that local people will still go out of city despite the new jazz club.
In addition, we need more evidence to prove that whether the jazz music is exceedingly popular in Monroe. Firstly, the data from developers may be not credible. Huge percent of people who attend the annual jazz festival in Monroe are tourists all over the world instead of the local residents. Another possibility is that several well-known jazz musicians came to Monroe to give a touring performances which attracted a huge number of people. The jazz festival in Monroe was obscure in the past. After discussing these two situations, we can raise the doubts whether the jazz music is truly popular in Monroe as developers say. And also, concerning the evaluation of the jazz radio program at weeknight, maybe the local residents just consider ‘jazz Nightly’ as a way to relax after working all day. Actually there are no other radio programs provided for them during weeknight to choose and the other radio programs in weekend are more attractive to them. If the developers can prove that the ‘jazz Nightly’ absolutely controls the local radio market and is highly rated at all time periods without rivals, then we believe that jazz is popular in Monroe.
Finally, the last study result provided by developers requires further accurate information to do more explains. It fails to imply that whether the nationwide study also applies to the local musical market in Monroe. One possibility is they have no interest on it and they love other forms of music. It is still a question whether the local jazz fans are eager to spend money jazz entertainment. Perhaps, due to the local depressing economy, fans are unable to spend money on their jazz entertainment. Further, the developers do not clarify the definition of jazz entertainment. The local jazz fans may only spend money on CDs, jazz instruments, and other jazz related products instead of the jazz music club. It is hard to convince that the new jazz club can bring a tidy profit.
To sum up, the evidence cited by the developers fail to provide enough evidence to make their request reliable. We need additional evidence, such as the better competitiveness of the new jazz music club, the facticity of popularity of jazz music in Monroe city, the applicability of the nationwide data on local music market, and local residents’ preference to spend money on jazz music club to make developers’ application more convincing and reliable.
- The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe."A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles aw 81
- "A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely 86
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 29 15
No. of Words: 643 350
No. of Characters: 3126 1500
No. of Different Words: 269 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 5.036 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.862 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.558 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 204 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 163 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 105 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 64 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.172 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.436 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.655 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.359 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.5 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.148 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 203, Rule ID: MANY_NN_U[8]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun evidence seems to be uncountable; consider using: 'some evidence'.
Suggestion: some evidence
...is 65 miles away. Besides, they provide several evidence to point out that jazz music is in vogu...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 6, column 210, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[2]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'old the nearest'.
Suggestion: old the nearest
... the existed jazz club. Even though the old nearest jazz club is far away from the city, it...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 11, column 390, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[2]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'performance'?
Suggestion: performance
...icians came to Monroe to give a touring performances which attracted a huge number of people...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, besides, finally, first, firstly, however, if, may, so, still, then, well, in addition, such as, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 19.6327345309 97% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 90.0 55.5748502994 162% => OK
Nominalization: 26.0 16.3942115768 159% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3275.0 2260.96107784 145% => OK
No of words: 643.0 441.139720559 146% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.0933125972 5.12650576532 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.03561760524 4.56307096286 110% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.80118224209 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 282.0 204.123752495 138% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.438569206843 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1026.9 705.55239521 146% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 12.0 4.96107784431 242% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 29.0 19.7664670659 147% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 61.7290500839 57.8364921388 107% => OK
Chars per sentence: 112.931034483 119.503703932 95% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.1724137931 23.324526521 95% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.20689655172 5.70786347227 74% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 21.0 8.20758483034 256% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.332613967227 0.218282227539 152% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.113976525994 0.0743258471296 153% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0690850289795 0.0701772020484 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.229280432738 0.128457276422 178% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0358984616945 0.0628817314937 57% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.6 14.3799401198 95% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 49.15 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.9 12.197005988 98% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.24 12.5979740519 97% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.21 8.32208582834 99% => OK
difficult_words: 142.0 98.500998004 144% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Rates: 62.5 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.75 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.