The following was written as a part of an application for a small business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, our proposed club, the C Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's jazz festival last summer, several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment. It is clear that the C Note cannot help but make money."
The author suggests that establishing a new jazz club called C-Note would benefit the local market and become a profitable enterprise. The argument is plagued by a number of skewed assumptions.
An assumption here is that the proposed new jazz club is 65 miles away from Monroe, then the it would gain the local market all. it is true if all local people are lazy and love jazz. For example, they like jazz music and want to go to a jazz club, but they will consider mostly the distance getting there. if a local jazz club is built, they will choose nearest jazz club rather than take hours driving to Monroe. Yet it could be a different story on the case that the assumption is unwarranted. For example, if local residents are eager to see the most famous musicians in Monroe, and all of them are the fans of that musician, so they prefer to spend hours driving to Monroe jazz club instead of local one. The writer is essential to cope with the assumption to make the argument more persuasive.
Additionally, the another assumption is that because jazz is extremely popular in Monroe, it would be the same passionate in a place 65 miles away. it could be certainly right under that condition that not only Monroe, but also whole nation people are craze for jazz music. No matter where people live, they love jazz music. Nevertheless, it would be totally disparate if there is another habit surpassing jazz music in a place 65 miles away from Monroe. For example, people living in anywhere except Monroe, likes watching soccer games more than jazz music and they tend to spend more money watching soccer games. The argument is not convincing based on the problematic assumption, thus the author has to address the assumptions mentioned above.
Furthermore, the author also states that reporting data shows typical jazz fan spending much money on jazz entertainment, under this assumption, it is predicted that C note makes profit. The assumption unstated plays an crucial role. because there is no comparable results between jazz music and other habits, we have no idea about the budget ranking on jazz for fans. it is certainly true if jazz is undoubted the first budget ranking among all activities that these people take part in. However, if these jazz fan actually spend much more money on NBA than music, then the sport club would be better choice than jazz club. thus, the author is barely to claim effectively if the assumption is not addressed well.
Unless the author could address the assumptions mentioned above, it is not cogent to conclude that the profit results would be expected by opening a new jazz club far away from Monroe.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 458 350
No. of Characters: 2137 1500
No. of Different Words: 201 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.626 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.666 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.383 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 134 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 85 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 28.625 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.033 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.625 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.389 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.594 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.11 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 90, Rule ID: DT_PRP[1]
Message: Possible typo. Did you mean 'the' or 'it'?
Suggestion: the; it
...club is 65 miles away from Monroe, then the it would gain the local market all. it is ...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 130, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...the it would gain the local market all. it is true if all local people are lazy an...
^^
Line 5, column 308, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: If
...ider mostly the distance getting there. if a local jazz club is built, they will c...
^^
Line 5, column 349, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[2]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'choose the nearest'.
Suggestion: choose the nearest
...f a local jazz club is built, they will choose nearest jazz club rather than take hours drivin...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...make the argument more persuasive. Additionally, the another assumption is ...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 160, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...me passionate in a place 65 miles away. it could be certainly right under that con...
^^
Line 13, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...s the assumptions mentioned above. Furthermore, the author also states that...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 229, Rule ID: EN_A_VS_AN
Message: Use 'a' instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
Suggestion: a
...s profit. The assumption unstated plays an crucial role. because there is no compa...
^^
Line 13, column 246, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Because
...umption unstated plays an crucial role. because there is no comparable results between ...
^^^^^^^
Line 13, column 381, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: It
...ut the budget ranking on jazz for fans. it is certainly true if jazz is undoubted ...
^^
Line 13, column 637, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Thus
... would be better choice than jazz club. thus, the author is barely to claim effectiv...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, furthermore, however, if, nevertheless, so, then, thus, well, as to, for example, it is true
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 11.0 12.9520958084 85% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 42.0 55.5748502994 76% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2212.0 2260.96107784 98% => OK
No of words: 458.0 441.139720559 104% => OK
Chars per words: 4.82969432314 5.12650576532 94% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62611441266 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.47279201105 2.78398813304 89% => OK
Unique words: 215.0 204.123752495 105% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.46943231441 0.468620217663 100% => OK
syllable_count: 679.5 705.55239521 96% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 4.96107784431 222% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 4.0 1.67365269461 239% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 22.0 19.7664670659 111% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 43.8530604302 57.8364921388 76% => OK
Chars per sentence: 100.545454545 119.503703932 84% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.8181818182 23.324526521 89% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.45454545455 5.70786347227 96% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 11.0 5.25449101796 209% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.350570090832 0.218282227539 161% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.112395553605 0.0743258471296 151% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0780933245295 0.0701772020484 111% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.211234747387 0.128457276422 164% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0426235247399 0.0628817314937 68% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.7 14.3799401198 81% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.73 12.5979740519 85% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.52 8.32208582834 90% => OK
difficult_words: 84.0 98.500998004 85% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 12.3882235529 61% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.