The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In this application, a group of developers recommend to set up a new jazz club in Monroe. To support their claim, they cite that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away. Additionally, a series of evidence are presented for the sake of proving popularity of jazz music in local. Moreover, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan would tend to spend much money on jazz entertainment per year. Quite convincing though this recommendation appears, a closer scrutiny reveals that it lacks of crucial evidence support and we need more evidence to evaluate such recommendation.
To start off, we need more evidence to verify whether a new-found jazz club could easily attract all local customers. While the nearest jazz club is still 65 miles away, no evidence serves to rule out the probability that people would like to continue with outside club for their entertainment. Thus, additional evidence would lend great credibility to determine whether the outside jazz club has conspicuous advantages than its distance weakness, such as an agreeable environment, better music equipment and support from famous musicians. If evidence show that outside jazz club surpass the new one, we would like to believe that people still prefer to go outside rather than new jazz club in Monroe and the developers' recommendation lose their weights; otherwise, a new jazz club is likely to gain its favor and developers' recommendation seems convincing.
Additionally, more evidence is required to show whether jazz music is extremely popular in Monroe. First of all, while the number of people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer appear astonishing at first glance, an accurate local attendance figure could lend greate support to evaluate the popularity of jazz music. In case that majority of attendances are acutally out-comers, we have no clues that jazz is really popular in local and thus developers' recommendation becomes untenable. Second, while several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe, we don't know the reason why they choose to do so. If it turns out that they decide to live in Monroe, just out of an agreeable environment or cheaper house prices, or that they choose it as an ideal place for their retirement, which make them alienate from jazz, we're unconvinced of jazz's popularity in Monroe. Furthermore, the evaluation of their recommendation concerning the prevelance of jazz music in Monroe also entails with the competence of 'Jazz Nightly' not only during weeknights but also weekends. If evidence divulges that such radio program has dominant impact in Monroe regardless of time periods and its opponents, we are disposed to trust jazz's vogue in Monroe.
Last but not last, despite the presence of all aforementioned evidence, an accurate evaluation of developers' suggestion need additional information. Specific evidence is required to decide whether the nationwide study's result could apply for local situation in Monroe as well; that is to say, whether there exists a substantial number of people in local would like to patronize jazz club. If yes, the recommendation would be strengthened; otherwise, if people give high priority to and spend more money on jazz CD, concert, or other learnings than they offer to jazz club, it seems untenable for us to agree with developers' viewpoint.
In summary, the developers' cited evidence doesn't give sufficient support for their crucial reasoning in their recommendation. As a result, we need more evidence to better evaluate their recommendation.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 5.0 out of 6
Category: Very Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 21 15
No. of Words: 567 350
No. of Characters: 2904 1500
No. of Different Words: 256 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.88 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.122 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.875 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 206 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 156 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 117 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 79 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.981 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.714 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.379 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.562 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.207 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 710, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'developers'' or 'developer's'?
Suggestion: developers'; developer's
...er than new jazz club in Monroe and the developers recommendation lose their weights; othe...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 456, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'developers'' or 'developer's'?
Suggestion: developers'; developer's
...azz is really popular in local and thus developers recommendation becomes untenable. Secon...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 9, column 568, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...known jazz musicians live in Monroe, we dont know the reason why they choose to do s...
^^^^
Line 13, column 1, Rule ID: LAST_BUT_NOT_LAST[1]
Message: Possible typo. Did you mean: 'Last but not least'?
Suggestion: Last but not least
...ed to trust jazzs vogue in Monroe. Last but not last, despite the presence of all aforementi...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 17, column 43, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
... summary, the developers cited evidence doesnt give sufficient support for their cruci...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, furthermore, if, moreover, really, second, so, still, then, thus, well, while, in summary, such as, as a result, first of all, that is to say
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 13.0 19.6327345309 66% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 12.0 11.1786427146 107% => OK
Relative clauses : 13.0 13.6137724551 95% => OK
Pronoun: 43.0 28.8173652695 149% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 82.0 55.5748502994 148% => OK
Nominalization: 39.0 16.3942115768 238% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2981.0 2260.96107784 132% => OK
No of words: 564.0 441.139720559 128% => OK
Chars per words: 5.28546099291 5.12650576532 103% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.87326216964 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.95345741355 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 266.0 204.123752495 130% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.471631205674 0.468620217663 101% => OK
syllable_count: 939.6 705.55239521 133% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 9.0 4.96107784431 181% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 9.0 2.70958083832 332% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 26.0 22.8473053892 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 66.674285279 57.8364921388 115% => OK
Chars per sentence: 141.952380952 119.503703932 119% => OK
Words per sentence: 26.8571428571 23.324526521 115% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.57142857143 5.70786347227 133% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 17.0 8.20758483034 207% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.312285142387 0.218282227539 143% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.114055899295 0.0743258471296 153% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0658925140837 0.0701772020484 94% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.190127757364 0.128457276422 148% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.08324336279 0.0628817314937 132% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.9 14.3799401198 118% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 36.63 48.3550499002 76% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 14.6 12.197005988 120% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.7 12.5979740519 109% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.43 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 125.0 98.500998004 127% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.4 11.1389221557 111% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.