The following appeared in a memo from New Ventures Consulting to the president of HobCo, Inc., a chain of hobby shops.
"Our team has completed its research on suitable building sites for a new HobCo hobby Shop in the city of Grilldon. We discovered that there are currently no hobby shops in southeastern Grilldon. When our researchers conducted a poll of area residents, 88 percent of those who responded indicated that they would welcome the opening of a hobby shop in southeastern Grilldon. Grilldon is in a region of the nation in which the hobby business has increased by 300 percent during the past decade. In addition, Grilldon has a very large population of retirees, a demographic with ample time to devote to hobbies. We therefore recommend that you choose southeastern Grilldon as the site for your next HobCo Hobby Shop. We predict that a shop in this area will draw a steady stream of enthusiastic new HobCo customers."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
According to the article, a new hobby shop is going to open in southeastern Grilldon. The editor considers that the new shop will be successful based on that there are no hobby shops, 88 percent of residents agree with the issue, hobby business has increased during decade by 300 percent, and there are many retirees who are free to cultivate their hobby. At first glance, the reasons are cogent. But there are flaws if we investigate more carefully.
The author firstly assumes that there are no hobby shops so that the new shop will be profitable. However we will realize the residents might no have to go to new shop for their hobby. Perhaps they don't have time to cultivate hobbies or have shops where they usually consume there. Moreover, there are more hobby shops at the adjacent town or the online shops are dominant there. The necessity for hobby shops of residents has to be clarify otherwise the reason is not convincing.
Secondly, there are 88 percent of residents agree with the issue. We have to know more about how the survey is conducted, how many people get involved the survey, and how many residents take part in the survey. The sample might too small to be representative of the research. Perhaps most of the respondents are from other towns. To assure that the survey is representative, the editor has to provide the detail.
The third assumption is the increase of hobby business by 300 percent during decade so that the residents are still demanding hobby shops. The assumption is true at the time of the trend of hobby cultivation was hot ten years ago. However, we are not sure that nowadays or in the past two to three years, the hobby shops are still popular. The activity might be out of fashion. To verify whether the assumption is correct, the residents demand of hobby shops should be answered.
Finally, the author points out that there are many retirees who are free to cultivate their hobby. The author might be true if these retirees have ample time and money. But we don't know how many retirees have to take care of their grandchildren. Or their condition are too weak to visit the shops. How much money they have for devoting to hobbies is another question. The author has to provides more detail of the demand for hobbies of retirees to make the prediction more reasonable.
In conclusion, the residents might need hobby shops, but we are not sure. These reasons are possible but there are still flaws which make the prediction unconvincing. To have more reasonable result, more details of information have to be considered.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 28 15
No. of Words: 448 350
No. of Characters: 2068 1500
No. of Different Words: 179 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.601 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.616 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.416 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 120 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 91 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 63 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 41 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.521 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.464 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.291 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.497 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.103 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 6 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 98, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...o that the new shop will be profitable. However we will realize the residents might no ...
^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 198, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
... new shop for their hobby. Perhaps they dont have time to cultivate hobbies or have ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 24, Rule ID: THERE_RE_MANY[3]
Message: Possible agreement error. Did you mean 'percents'?
Suggestion: percents
...not convincing. Secondly, there are 88 percent of residents agree with the issue. We h...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 176, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: don't
...irees have ample time and money. But we dont know how many retirees have to take car...
^^^^
Line 5, column 386, Rule ID: TO_NON_BASE[1]
Message: The verb after "to" should be in the base form: 'provide'.
Suggestion: provide
... is another question. The author has to provides more detail of the demand for hobbies o...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, finally, first, firstly, however, if, moreover, second, secondly, so, still, third, as to, in conclusion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 36.0 19.6327345309 183% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 12.0 13.6137724551 88% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 53.0 55.5748502994 95% => OK
Nominalization: 9.0 16.3942115768 55% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2123.0 2260.96107784 94% => OK
No of words: 446.0 441.139720559 101% => OK
Chars per words: 4.7600896861 5.12650576532 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.5955099915 4.56307096286 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.52445757389 2.78398813304 91% => OK
Unique words: 184.0 204.123752495 90% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.412556053812 0.468620217663 88% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 676.8 705.55239521 96% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 16.0 8.76447105788 183% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 6.0 1.67365269461 358% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 28.0 19.7664670659 142% => OK
Sentence length: 15.0 22.8473053892 66% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 42.7052516725 57.8364921388 74% => OK
Chars per sentence: 75.8214285714 119.503703932 63% => OK
Words per sentence: 15.9285714286 23.324526521 68% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.89285714286 5.70786347227 68% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.20758483034 146% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 10.0 4.67664670659 214% => Less facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.199883244408 0.218282227539 92% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.062850348836 0.0743258471296 85% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0579824073184 0.0701772020484 83% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.117011832241 0.128457276422 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0652565733154 0.0628817314937 104% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.0 14.3799401198 63% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 64.71 48.3550499002 134% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.0 12.197005988 66% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.03 12.5979740519 80% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.35 8.32208582834 88% => OK
difficult_words: 84.0 98.500998004 85% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.0 11.1389221557 72% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.