With the pressure on today’s young people succeed academically, some people people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects to what extent do you agree or disagree?
Whether or not pupils should focus on studying academic subjects and non-academic subjects should be cancelled at school to be a fiercely debated issue. There are those who argue that it is essential to exclude non-academic studies from the syllabus. To my mind, it is unlikely to agree with this viewpoint because of following reasonable arguments.
First of all, non-academic subjects still play a vital role in developing skills of pupils. It cannot be denied that these subjects help children to be equipped with necessary skills to meet demands of independent life. Particularly, skill of cooking is a crucial part in student’s life because they live far away from their home. What is more, cookery study is considered as being important for those who would like to become great cooks later. More importantly, if children are taugh the knowledge of cooking, they would help their parents with doing daily household chore in the form of preparation of the family meals.
As for other non-academic studies, for example physical excercise, children would be improved much more both mentally and physically. This means that it makes a huge contribution to the result of the study because health has been regarded as a paramount requirement of doing anythings. Furthermore, it is imperative that learning and doing physical education at school also help children have a better immune system to prevent from serious diseases. Therefore, non-acadmic subjects should be not driven out of the school syllabus.
It seems to me that primary and secondary schools should reconcile the need for learing accademic studies with concern for teaching non-academic subjects. It may be a great suggestion for the long-term answer. This ensures that teaching programs of the educational system is balanced.
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Sentence: More importantly, if children are taugh the knowledge of cooking, they would help their parents with doing daily household chore in the form of preparation of the family meals.
Error: taugh Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: As for other non-academic studies, for example physical excercise, children would be improved much more both mentally and physically.
Error: excercise Suggestion: exercise
Sentence: Therefore, non-acadmic subjects should be not driven out of the school syllabus.
Error: non-acadmic Suggestion: non academic
Sentence: It seems to me that primary and secondary schools should reconcile the need for learing accademic studies with concern for teaching non-academic subjects.
Error: accademic Suggestion: academic
Error: learing Suggestion: No alternate word
flaws:
Need to talk generally for non-academic subjects, not just for physical education and cookery.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
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No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
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Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.112 4.7
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Sentence Length SD: 5.531 7.5
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Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.048 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5