The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual s levels of stimulation The study showed that in stimulating situat

Essay topics:

The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation.
The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings.
Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence).
The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."

The excerpt of the letter to the editor of scientific journal is claiming that there is a causal relationship between the birth order and production of stimulation hormones in rhesus monkey. Based on this claim of a study, the implications are believed to be applicable to humans as well. The prerogative seems plausible but there are certain ambiguities that make a reader skeptical.
Firstly, the whole argument is based on a study that has a sample size of only eighteen. This makes the generalization of its results dubious. A better reference could have been some study that encompasses a wider population segment of rhesus monkeys in order to make the inferences statistically significant.
Secondly, the argument that the higher order of birth means that there is higher production of hormone cortisol needs more comprehensive evidence. There are other factors ignored in the text that might cause increased stimulation. For instance, gender, age or the environment are few of the basic variables that can influence the stimulation behavior and thus are imperative to consider while discussing the role of order of birth in increased activity level.
Thirdly, the claim that first born humans also produce relatively higher level of cortisol when subject to some stimulating scenario lacks evidence. There is no statistic or past literature provided to support this statement. Some previous study that can relate the birth order with stimulation in humans could have helped the validity of this statement. Also, if the evidence regarding monkeys is to be taken as supporting the claim related to humans then the reader would want to know the correlation between humans and monkey.
Lastly, if the hormone being discussed is found to be in greater proportion among first time mothers, this means that these mothers are exhibiting higher stimulus to such situations. And as a result of this, their offspring are carrying this behavior with them. There is however, no ample evidence provided that offspring’s carry the similar level of hormones as that of mothers. Also, the argument is weakened by lack of empirical evidence such as some previous study or sample results.
Therefore, if the argument needs validation, it needs to be accompanied by strong evidence, both empirical and factual. A more holistic approach to such a claim by discussing other factors would be helpful in making the claim stronger.

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Average: 4.3 (2 votes)
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Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 216, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...d in the text that might cause increased stimulation. For instance, gender, age o...
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, however, if, lastly, regarding, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, third, thirdly, thus, well, while, for instance, such as, as a result

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 23.0 19.6327345309 117% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 7.0 12.9520958084 54% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 25.0 28.8173652695 87% => OK
Preposition: 50.0 55.5748502994 90% => OK
Nominalization: 27.0 16.3942115768 165% => OK

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2027.0 2260.96107784 90% => OK
No of words: 386.0 441.139720559 88% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.25129533679 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.43248042346 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.82081052168 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 197.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.510362694301 0.468620217663 109% => OK
syllable_count: 646.2 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 0.0 4.22255489022 0% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 19.0 19.7664670659 96% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.6039512305 57.8364921388 77% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.684210526 119.503703932 89% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.3157894737 23.324526521 87% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.78947368421 5.70786347227 154% => OK
Paragraphs: 6.0 5.15768463074 116% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.20758483034 110% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.182227697512 0.218282227539 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0521693551182 0.0743258471296 70% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0601763973257 0.0701772020484 86% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0889299909169 0.128457276422 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0511793784276 0.0628817314937 81% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.5 14.3799401198 94% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 42.72 48.3550499002 88% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 12.3 12.197005988 101% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.17 12.5979740519 105% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.29 8.32208582834 112% => OK
difficult_words: 114.0 98.500998004 116% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?

---------------------

Rates: 75.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.

Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 19 15
No. of Words: 388 350
No. of Characters: 1987 1500
No. of Different Words: 191 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.438 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.121 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.754 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 143 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 115 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 85 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.421 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.155 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.632 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.286 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.286 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.044 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5