The following is a recommendation from the business manager of Monarch Books.
"Since its opening in Collegeville twenty years ago, Monarch Books has developed a large customer base due to its reader-friendly atmosphere and wide selection of books on all subjects. Last month, Book and Bean, a combination bookstore and coffee shop, announced its intention to open a Collegeville store. Monarch Books should open its own in-store café in the space currently devoted to children's books. Given recent national census data indicating a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten, sales of children's books are likely to decline. By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author of the recommendation asserts that Monarch Books, which is well-known for its wide-range of books on all subjects, should redistribute internal space of the store and devote room, which is currently occupied by children literature, to in-store cafe. The writer surmises that this alteration will skyrocket store's proceeds and allow it more successfully to contend with the rival store. This author’s prospect is buttressed by several evidences; therefore, in order to gauge its soundness we need to take closer look at them.
First of all, the writer of the recommendation avers to reshape existing store and devote room which is now allocated for children's books for cafe. The main evidence which is used to maintain this idea is that national census data indicates a dramatic decline in the percentage of the young population. However, how will this decrease in population under age ten impact on sales of store? May we conclude that demand for children’s books will fall? In fact, the statistical data has no direct and explicit connection with the store’s profit or number books sold. For instance, If the percentage of youngsters increased, we would not assume that sales will enhance. In fact, a number of books sold do not depend on per cent of young population.
Furthermore, the belief that fulfillment of the recommendation will increase the store’s profit is not proven. For instance, we were told that Monarch Books is widely known for its broad-range of books, the reduction of the store’s assortment may negatively reflect on store’s revenue and undermine in competitiveness owing to the fact that the change deteriorate its strong facet. Additionally to it, the store has the indispensable advantage – loyal customers who have bought books in this store during twenty years, perhaps, some of purchasers were taken to the store during their childhood by their parents, thus this place may be valuable for them in its current condition. Why do we assume that they want to see their lovely store to be changed? A reaction of habitant buyers is not apparent and therefore, the expected increase in store’s income in not assured.
Additionally to it, the recommendation asserts that opening of an in-store café wards off competition from Book and Bean (BB). However, does the BB have only one advantage? What unique features does BB possess? Perhaps, the rival store has some other facets which distinguish it from others such as free-Wi-Fi or organized place in the store where children who arrive with parents may play when adults purchase books. Thus, originators’ belief that repetition of BB’s proposal will unescapably lead to cease of competition between the stores is unwarranted.
In conclusion, although the author of the argument declares that reshaping of the store space will lead to augment in store’s revenue and prevent rival between two stores, we have showcased that given facts do not create a strong argument, consequently result of realization of the recommendation is not obvious.
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Sentence: A reaction of habitant buyers is not apparent and therefore, the expected increase in store's income in not assured.
Error: habitant Suggestion: No alternate word
argument 1 -- OK, but there is more, suppose the survey is true: a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. There is no relation between the decline and sales.
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- you don't have. Always remember argue against the conclusion. For this topic it is:
By replacing its children's books section with a café, Monarch Books can increase profits and ward off competition from Book and Bean.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 1 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 429 350
No. of Characters: 2190 1500
No. of Different Words: 227 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.551 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.105 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.886 2.4
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No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 121 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 58 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 26.812 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.578 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.688 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.34 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.513 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.149 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5