The following appeared as part of a letter to the editor of a scientific journal.
"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
The author’s claim here is that the birth order is important in determining the level of cortisol production. Stated in this way, the argument fails to mention key factors, on the basis of which it is evaluated. To support their argument, the author reasons that a rhesus monkey study shows that first-born offsprings have higher levels of cortisol level when placed under stimulating situations. However, careful scrutiny of the argument reveals that it provides little credible support for the author’s conclusion. Hence the argument is considered lacking or unsubstantiated due to the possibilities of alternate explanations.
First of all, the argument readily assumes that the rhesus monkey infants all share the same awareness as each other. This is merely an assumption made without solid ground. For example, the first-born would be older and more aware of their environment compared to the infant born last. And so, the first-born would be more stressed in a situation such as being introduced to an unfamiliar monkey which would lead to higher cortisol levels. Hence it would have been more convincing if it was explicitly stated that the rhesus monkey infants were of similar age where their level of understanding and stimulation would be the same.
Secondly, the argument also claims that monkeys who were first time mothers had higher levels of cortisol during their pregnancy. This again is weak and unsupported claim as it does not establish a clear correlation between the levels of cortisol and the conditions surrounding their pregnancy. To illustrate further, the first pregnancy would indicate that the female monkey does not have any blood related family around her while she’s carrying her baby. Thus, the next time she carries another baby she’ll be supported and comforted by her offsprings who are part of her circle. If the argument had provided evidence that the female rhesus was under the same social conditions each pregnancy, then it would have been more convincing to the reader.
Finally, the author states that first-born humans also produce high levels of cortisol in distressing situations such as their parent leaving the room. Why is there no mention of the second or third born child and their cortisol levels in similar situations? Was the first-born human in an unfamiliar room when the test was done? Without convincing answers to these questions, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence.
In conclusion, the author’s argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore questionable. It could be considerably strengthened if the author provided more concrete details as to how the studies were done and under what conditions. Finally to better evaluate whether cortisol levels are indeed related to birth orders, it would be necessary to have full knowledge of full contributing factors. In this particular case, the possible conditions and environment that could also increase cortisol levels. Without this information, the argument remains equivocal and open to debate.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 493 350
No. of Characters: 2563 1500
No. of Different Words: 239 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.712 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.199 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.73 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 193 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 144 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 104 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 66 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.542 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 5.657 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.303 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.509 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.092 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 528, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...pport for the author's conclusion. Hence the argument is considered lacking or u...
^^^^^
Line 3, column 443, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...h would lead to higher cortisol levels. Hence it would have been more convincing if i...
^^^^^
Line 9, column 259, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Finally,
...es were done and under what conditions. Finally to better evaluate whether cortisol lev...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, hence, however, if, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, third, thus, while, as to, for example, in conclusion, such as, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 29.0 19.6327345309 148% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 40.0 28.8173652695 139% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 21.0 16.3942115768 128% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2650.0 2260.96107784 117% => OK
No of words: 492.0 441.139720559 112% => OK
Chars per words: 5.38617886179 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.70967865282 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.87498114039 2.78398813304 103% => OK
Unique words: 243.0 204.123752495 119% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.493902439024 0.468620217663 105% => OK
syllable_count: 806.4 705.55239521 114% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 24.0 19.7664670659 121% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 34.4504475056 57.8364921388 60% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 110.416666667 119.503703932 92% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.5 23.324526521 88% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.75 5.70786347227 118% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 10.0 8.20758483034 122% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 11.0 6.88822355289 160% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.119442523412 0.218282227539 55% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0366233080013 0.0743258471296 49% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0415111355264 0.0701772020484 59% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0725308154836 0.128457276422 56% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0354149325137 0.0628817314937 56% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.2 14.3799401198 99% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.98 12.5979740519 111% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.74 8.32208582834 105% => OK
difficult_words: 128.0 98.500998004 130% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 9.0 12.3882235529 73% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.