The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
Today youth spent money for entertainment every weekend. People love to enjoy clubs, parties, drinks and music to relax themselves after full week days burden. The jazz music is also popular among people and they like to spent time in such clubs and rejoice their mood. As the application proposed new jazz club in Monroe because of last summer 100,000 people from Monroe attended the annual jazz festival. There are some musicians come from Monroe city which is 65 miles always from current position of the jazz club. The group of developer in the city of Monroe wrote an application to convenience to section loan for development of jazz club in city. I am not totally agree with the argument and I have some questions to counter the mentioned argument.
First of all, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles always from city and still people went there for enjoying their summer festival, which is clear indication that the people enjoy the music. There is one more important thing to be noticed that is the people like to move from their residence place to feel light. If the jazz club starts in the city itself than may be people get bored with it and for weekend they will find any other place. For the youth adventures and road trips are also fun and the jazz club is 65 miles from the city that would be a strong reason that people choose it for enjoyment. To open new jazz club in the city may be good idea for starting months but not good for long time because people definitely will miss the fun of journey.
Secondly, the applicant talked about the musician who lived in the Monroe and the highest rated radio program is 'Jazz Night' in Monroe which is very good thing about jazz music club. While saying about the musicians the applicant want to share difficulty in transportation than for these reason the jazz music club should not be opened in the city. The club is tremendously profitable then they have to arrange the facility for their musician’s residence or for travel and the radio program can be recorded from club or the musicians can visit to radio station on fixed day. So the applicant has different alternates to manage all difficulties rather than open new jazz club with burden of loan.
Thirdly, the jazz club is very entertaining for people but it may be noisy for the city. The clubs and load music outlets should be away from the city area so that people cannot disturb due to noise and traffic jam. Now a days the city area already packed with the residence and public transportation and buildings so there is already haphazard life people are living. That is the major reason to do not allow jazz club in the city area or in Monroe. However the nationwide study indicates that jazz fan spends average $1,000 per year on jazz music entertainment but the people like the music they move 65 miles to enjoy and the people do not like they will not go 1 mile from their home. So for few people we cannot allow the club in city.
Finally, the presented argument has not feasible content and on the basis of aforementioned reasons the argument found weaken at different points so the applicant has to go through it.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 23 15
No. of Words: 562 350
No. of Characters: 2540 1500
No. of Different Words: 240 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.869 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.52 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.275 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 144 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 90 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 58 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 42 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.435 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.245 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.652 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.358 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.529 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.118 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 217, Rule ID: NOW_A_DAYS[1]
Message: Did you mean 'nowadays'?
Suggestion: Nowadays
...t disturb due to noise and traffic jam. Now a days the city area already packed with the r...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 221, Rule ID: A_PLURAL[1]
Message: Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean 'a day' or simply 'days'?
Suggestion: a day; days
...sturb due to noise and traffic jam. Now a days the city area already packed with the r...
^^^^^^
Line 7, column 452, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...azz club in the city area or in Monroe. However the nationwide study indicates that jaz...
^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 519, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...y indicates that jazz fan spends average ,000 per year on jazz music entertainment...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, still, then, third, thirdly, while, as to, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 22.0 11.1786427146 197% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 67.0 55.5748502994 121% => OK
Nominalization: 20.0 16.3942115768 122% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2590.0 2260.96107784 115% => OK
No of words: 562.0 441.139720559 127% => OK
Chars per words: 4.60854092527 5.12650576532 90% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.86893614481 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.33604617649 2.78398813304 84% => OK
Unique words: 245.0 204.123752495 120% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.435943060498 0.468620217663 93% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 797.4 705.55239521 113% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.59920159681 88% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 19.7664670659 116% => OK
Sentence length: 24.0 22.8473053892 105% => OK
Sentence length SD: 47.1017480481 57.8364921388 81% => OK
Chars per sentence: 112.608695652 119.503703932 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 24.4347826087 23.324526521 105% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.30434782609 5.70786347227 93% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 14.0 8.20758483034 171% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.390066627101 0.218282227539 179% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.139021473093 0.0743258471296 187% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0905555964663 0.0701772020484 129% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.223782616055 0.128457276422 174% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.107044798503 0.0628817314937 170% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.5 14.3799401198 87% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 64.04 48.3550499002 132% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 12.197005988 84% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 9.75 12.5979740519 77% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.24 8.32208582834 87% => OK
difficult_words: 86.0 98.500998004 87% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.6 11.1389221557 104% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.