"A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infant monkeys produce up to twice as much of the hormone cortisol, which primes the body for increased activity levels, as do their younger siblings. Firstborn humans also produce relatively high levels of cortisol in stimulating situations (such as the return of a parent after an absence). The study also found that during pregnancy, first-time mother monkeys had higher levels of cortisol than did those who had had several offspring."
In the paragraph author tries to convey that Firstborn of rhesus monkey have higher level of stimulation due to increased transfer of hormone cortisol at the time of their birth from their mothers as at the time of first pregnancy they had higher levels of cortisols. Author also implies that hormone cortisol is the main reason for the increased level of stimulation in the humans and rhesus monkeys both as it increases activity level. But, author doesn’t clearly state what effects does it have on the behaviour of the individual which can be compared to makeup some definitive conclusion which can substantiate the argument.
On the other note, Author take a stance on the argument on the basis of only one similarity between humans and monkeys that firstborn of both species have higher hormone cortisol than their younger siblings. However, argument corroborating this similarity is vague as they compare very two different stimulating situation such as for infant monkeys which is encounter with unfamiliar monkey and for human infants it is return of a parent after an absence, both the scenarios are relatively different and can produce different level of stimulation. Nevertheless, this similarity does confirms that in both the cases they were stimulated for different reasons and if explored further with different situation author would be able to find more evidence for this behavior.
In the last statement, Author also states one other reason which can support the starting premise of higher level of hormone cortisol in first born as in the rhesus monkeys mother having their first pregnancy has an increase level of cortisol who had several offsprings. This does confirms the possibility of higher level of hormone cortisol in monkeys but doesn’t offer any compelling reason for the same in human firstborn.
Thus, Argument fails to provide compelling evidence for increase hormone cortisol in human first borns and doesn’t provide clear explanation on how does the hormone cortisol induces stimulation in humans and monkeys both.
- One can best understand the most important characteristics of a society by studying its major cities. 66
- "A recent study of eighteen rhesus monkeys provides clues as to the effects of birth order on an individual's levels of stimulation. The study showed that in stimulating situations (such as an encounter with an unfamiliar monkey), firstborn infa 23
Comments
Essay evaluation report
samples:
https://www.testbig.com/story/gre-argument-essay-topic-2-outline
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ??? out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 9 15
No. of Words: 331 350
No. of Characters: 1699 1500
No. of Different Words: 157 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.265 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.133 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.618 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 133 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 101 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 68 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 43 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 36.778 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.364 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.889 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.477 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.707 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.157 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 313, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'situation' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'situations'.
Suggestion: situations
... compare very two different stimulating situation such as for infant monkeys which is enc...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 282, Rule ID: AGREEMENT_SENT_START[1]
Message: You should probably use 'confirm'.
Suggestion: confirm
...l who had several offsprings. This does confirms the possibility of higher level of horm...
^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 180, Rule ID: DOES_NP_VBZ[1]
Message: Did you mean 'induce'?
Suggestion: induce
...nation on how does the hormone cortisol induces stimulation in humans and monkeys both....
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, however, if, nevertheless, so, thus, as for, such as
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 8.0 19.6327345309 41% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 5.0 12.9520958084 39% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 18.0 28.8173652695 62% => OK
Preposition: 44.0 55.5748502994 79% => OK
Nominalization: 15.0 16.3942115768 91% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1747.0 2260.96107784 77% => OK
No of words: 328.0 441.139720559 74% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.3262195122 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.25567506705 4.56307096286 93% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.72669230153 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 155.0 204.123752495 76% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.47256097561 0.468620217663 101% => OK
syllable_count: 547.2 705.55239521 78% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 0.0 8.76447105788 0% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 3.0 4.22255489022 71% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 9.0 19.7664670659 46% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 36.0 22.8473053892 158% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 53.1726746867 57.8364921388 92% => OK
Chars per sentence: 194.111111111 119.503703932 162% => OK
Words per sentence: 36.4444444444 23.324526521 156% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.77777777778 5.70786347227 136% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 6.88822355289 15% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 0.0 4.67664670659 0% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.197392622066 0.218282227539 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.093890610188 0.0743258471296 126% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0520227551732 0.0701772020484 74% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.126807833217 0.128457276422 99% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0325705830247 0.0628817314937 52% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 21.9 14.3799401198 152% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 26.48 48.3550499002 55% => Flesch_reading_ease is low.
smog_index: 11.2 7.1628742515 156% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 18.5 12.197005988 152% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.23 12.5979740519 113% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.03 8.32208582834 109% => OK
difficult_words: 75.0 98.500998004 76% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 18.5 12.3882235529 149% => OK
gunning_fog: 16.4 11.1389221557 147% => OK
text_standard: 19.0 11.9071856287 160% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.