Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what features they thought were most important in a video game. According to the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people ten to twenty-five years old, the age-group most likely to play video games. It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months."
Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.
The attempts to reverse the declining of sales situation of Whirlwind video games are indispensible. However, the writer's suggestion that the introduction of a game which provides lifelike graphic will reverse the current gloomy situation may not fulfill its aim.
A foremost assumption is that the survey does reflect the preference of the target group. According to the writer, the survey do not consider the disparity of game's inclination within different age groups. On the other hand, the upcoming game is designed for people ten to twenty-five years old. Despite the fact that such age-group constitutes a large fraction of all game players, the result of the survey is still unreliable since perhaps older players are more willing to fill and return the survey sheets. hence, unless we rule out the interference of ages, we cannot rely solely on the survey's result.
Granted, the survey does reflect the preference of the game's target group, we can not infer that targeted people are most likely to purchase the game. Just as the fact that we all favor diamonds, but we seldom buy diamonds, the preferences cannot be directly linked with consumers' choice. The games which provide lifelike graphics requires the computers to be most up-to-date. such computers must be of great value, while people in target group, who are mostly adolescents, do not have such pecuniary ability to buy them. hence, the sales of such games can be highly retarded by the prices of the up-to-date computers.
Moreover, the writer implicitly assert that the sales decline in the last two years can be attributed to the lack of game with popular aspects and inadequate advertisements. hence, the writer anticipates that once some new game is introduced and advertisements are extensive, the sales situation will smoothly increase, even dramatically. such a partial view may overlook underlying causes of the decline. perhaps the decline is engendered by the quality of the game rather than some superficial features like lifelike graphics, or the advertisements have consistently been extensive yet lacked accuracy, or consumers may get sated with the Whirlpool's themes and choose other companies. What's more, the decline in the past two years is aligned with the decline of the overall economy. As the refreshing of the economy, we may do not need to worry it at all.
In conclusion, the writer's proposition cannot be justified by its arguments. To show that such methods can indeed reverse the decline, the writer should perform a more profound investigation and carefully analyze its results.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
argument 1 -- not really
argument 2 -- OK
argument 3 -- not exactly. need to argue:
Whirlwind has just introduced several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at people ten to twenty-five years old, the age-group most likely to play video games.
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Need to argue against the conclusion always. For this topic it is:
'It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to increase dramatically in the next few months.'
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 15 15
No. of Words: 418 350
No. of Characters: 2120 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.522 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.072 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.739 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 164 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 119 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 83 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 27.867 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 18.136 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.6 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.34 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.606 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.148 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 115, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'writers'' or 'writer's'?
Suggestion: writers'; writer's
...o games are indispensible. However, the writers suggestion that the introduction of a g...
^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 512, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Hence
...g to fill and return the survey sheets. hence, unless we rule out the interference of...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 378, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Such
...es the computers to be most up-to-date. such computers must be of great value, while...
^^^^
Line 7, column 523, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Hence
...ave such pecuniary ability to buy them. hence, the sales of such games can be highly ...
^^^^^
Line 10, column 175, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Hence
... aspects and inadequate advertisements. hence, the writer anticipates that once some ...
^^^^^
Line 10, column 340, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Such
...l smoothly increase, even dramatically. such a partial view may overlook underlying ...
^^^^
Line 10, column 407, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Perhaps
...rlook underlying causes of the decline. perhaps the decline is engendered by the qualit...
^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 688, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: What's
...ools themes and choose other companies. Whats more, the decline in the past two years...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, hence, however, if, look, may, moreover, so, still, while, in conclusion, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 19.6327345309 92% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 19.0 28.8173652695 66% => OK
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2185.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 418.0 441.139720559 95% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.22727272727 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.52162009685 4.56307096286 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.81412226602 2.78398813304 101% => OK
Unique words: 221.0 204.123752495 108% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.528708133971 0.468620217663 113% => OK
syllable_count: 688.5 705.55239521 98% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 16.0 8.76447105788 183% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 2.70958083832 111% => OK
Conjunction: 3.0 1.67365269461 179% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 52.2330115923 57.8364921388 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 109.25 119.503703932 91% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.9 23.324526521 90% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.8 5.70786347227 84% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.286571120993 0.218282227539 131% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0861907699347 0.0743258471296 116% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.071954330804 0.0701772020484 103% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.145336493068 0.128457276422 113% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0678827359204 0.0628817314937 108% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.7 14.3799401198 95% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 51.18 48.3550499002 106% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.1 12.197005988 91% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.05 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 9.24 8.32208582834 111% => OK
difficult_words: 122.0 98.500998004 124% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.