The following report appeared in the newsletter of the West Meria Public Health Council.
"An innovative treatment has come to our attention that promises to significantly reduce absenteeism in our schools and workplaces. A study reports that in nearby East Meria, where fish consumption is very high, people visit the doctor only once or twice per year for the treatment of colds. Clearly, eating a substantial amount of fish can prevent colds. Since colds represent the most frequently given reason for absences from school and work, we recommend the daily use of Ichthaid—a nutritional supplement derived from fish oil—as a good way to prevent colds and lower absenteeism."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The argument above seems reasonable on the surface. However, the premises and conclusion of the report differ. Thus weakening the overall argument. The association drawn between colds and abseetism is also weak. Discussed below are the flaws of the arguments and the conclusion.
The first flaw of the argument is that it fails to provide evidence that East Meria and West Meria are comparable. Do the two cities have comparable life styles and employment demographics? If West Meria and East Meria are comparable in terrms of above, the argument may hold. However, the current generalization weakens the report’s arguments. Also, the report assumes that fish consumption is the reason why doctor visits for colds has reduced. This assumption would be valid if the writers can prove that holding other factors- such as presence of lack of a healthy lifestyle, good weather and incidence of diseases- constant, fish consumption reduces colds. Otherwise, the argument is weakened. The author also fails to clarify in what amounts and what parts of fish cause the reductions in colds. If for instance, fish oil is the substance responsible for reduction in colds, the conclusion may hold.
Furthermore, the writers state that colds are the major reason for absenteeism. This assertion is only valid if the writers can prove that people actually suffer from colds and do not just state it as a reason to miss work or school. This is because people can say they have a cold but do not. The lack of evidence such as doctors reports to show that absentees have cold weakens the argument.
The report’s recommendation for the use of a supplement is a departure from earlier arguments. The use of a supplement and the consumption of the actual food are two different things. A supplement is processed thereby losing certain nutrients. Therefore, the recommendation weakens the earlier claim that high consumption of fish reduces colds.
In conclusion, the report the based on a generalization that may not be applicable to West Meria, fails to support the stated claims and gives a recommendation that differs from the premises of the argument. To support the conclusion, the report should provide
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Comments
Thank you so much. I am
Thank you so much. I am grateful.
Are there any ideas on how i can strengthen the arguments?
You arguments are ok. and
You arguments are ok. and your language is great too.
Don't try to list all flaws and go everywhere for arguments. You only need to focus on 2-3 flaws.
Read other top essays and think how are you going to argue for the flaws. and compare each ideas.
Hope this can help.
Sentence: The association drawn between colds and abseetism is also weak.
Error: abseetism Suggestion: ?
Sentence: If West Meria and East Meria are comparable in terrms of above, the argument may hold.
Error: terrms Suggestion: terms
The first flaw is not well organized. You only need to focus on one thing like the third and fourth paragraphs did.
Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 4.5 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 2 2
No. of Sentences: 24 15
No. of Words: 359 350
No. of Characters: 1787 1500
No. of Different Words: 164 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.353 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.978 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.769 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 125 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 101 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.958 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.049 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.667 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.285 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.496 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.081 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5