The following appeared as a recommendation by a committee planning a ten-year budget for the city of Calatrava.
"The birthrate in our city is declining: in fact, last year's birthrate was only one-half that of five years ago. Thus, the number of students enrolled in our public schools will soon decrease dramatically, and we can safely reduce the funds budgeted for education during the next decade. At the same time, we can reduce funding for athletic playing fields and other recreational facilities. As a result, we will have sufficient money to fund city facilities and programs used primarily by adults, since we can expect the adult population of the city to increase."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
According to passage, there will be decreasing of number of students enrolled in the public schools due to declining of birthrate in city of Calatrava. Thus, budget authorities’ recommendation is that reducing the funds for education and other things which are related with students. Those are athletic playing field and recreational facilities. Additionally, they assume that if they reduce the funds to education then, transfer the that money to the activities which are used primarily by adults would increase adult population. There is a strictly contradictive point in this assumption. If no more students which mean no more young people in the city, how could be increased the adult population even if conditions are extraordinary perfect?
First of all, the letter is telling that the birthrate is declining and it compares birthrate with five years ago. There is no last year’s data. It might change between five years ago and last year or this year. It must be explained then could be evaluated the results.
Secondly, young population is the hope to go next generations. In the letter, the committee seems like happy about decreasing the number of young people, because, they would use the money which remains from the students for the adults. It is very weird approach. They should motivate the adults to have a child. They should serve some legislations or opportunities or benefits for adult to encourage them to have a child. This would be the best way to increase adult population in future.
I need to admit that there is another way to increase the adult population without having children. It is immigration. However, It is unusual situation that people would want to immigrate to city of Calatrava in sake of wonderful adult activities. It does not sound reasonable, if immigration would happen for only this reason, what is the ratio of it, how many people would do it? Again, the best way is that encouraging adult to have children.
As a conclusion, there is very weird assumption in the passage. It is not reasonable in every way. If they want to increase the number of people, they must focus on increasing birthrate. This is the healthiest way to do it.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 2.0 out of 6
Category: Poor Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 25 15
No. of Words: 366 350
No. of Characters: 1766 1500
No. of Different Words: 171 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.374 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.825 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.726 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 111 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 85 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 70 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 14.64 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 7.626 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.36 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.256 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.462 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.066 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
According to passage, there will be decr...
^^^^
Line 3, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...onditions are extraordinary perfect? First of all, the letter is telling that...
^^^^
Line 5, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...then could be evaluated the results. Secondly, young population is the hope t...
^^^^
Line 5, column 483, Rule ID: IN_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean: 'in the future'?
Suggestion: in the future
...e best way to increase adult population in future. I need to admit that there is a...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...increase adult population in future. I need to admit that there is another wa...
^^^^
Line 9, column 1, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...encouraging adult to have children. As a conclusion, there is very weird ass...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
first, however, if, second, secondly, so, then, thus, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 15.0 12.9520958084 116% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 44.0 55.5748502994 79% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1837.0 2260.96107784 81% => OK
No of words: 366.0 441.139720559 83% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.01912568306 5.12650576532 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.37391431897 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.8889602375 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 185.0 204.123752495 91% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.505464480874 0.468620217663 108% => OK
syllable_count: 570.6 705.55239521 81% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 16.0 4.96107784431 323% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 8.76447105788 34% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 19.7664670659 126% => OK
Sentence length: 14.0 22.8473053892 61% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 47.3311736597 57.8364921388 82% => OK
Chars per sentence: 73.48 119.503703932 61% => OK
Words per sentence: 14.64 23.324526521 63% => OK
Discourse Markers: 2.64 5.70786347227 46% => More transition words/phrases wanted.
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 6.0 5.25449101796 114% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 13.0 8.20758483034 158% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 9.0 4.67664670659 192% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.203478926617 0.218282227539 93% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0535291113509 0.0743258471296 72% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0906868511358 0.0701772020484 129% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.115103727706 0.128457276422 90% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.12314381519 0.0628817314937 196% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 9.5 14.3799401198 66% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.27 48.3550499002 118% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.8 12.197005988 72% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.24 12.5979740519 89% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.91 8.32208582834 95% => OK
difficult_words: 83.0 98.500998004 84% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 7.6 11.1389221557 68% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.