The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
There is no survey that indicates Monroe citizens' interest in going to jazz clubs. They may like listening Jazz music while they are working or resting in their home, but they may have few motivations to go to Jazz clubs too. Perhaps this lack of interest in going to Jazz club is the actual reason of why there has not been a Jazz club nearby.
The C-Note owners mentioned to the recent Jazz festival in Monroe city and the high number of people who participated to this festival as a fact that confirms their success, however, participating in Jazz festival do not necessarily show the citizens' interests in Jazz music. May be because of the high number of participants and the activities that people can do regarding this population and the joy and fun among these huge number of people is the actual reason of the popularity of this festival in Monroe. Perhaps the best way to understand the actual reasons of the festival participants is to ask reasonable number of them about their reason to go to this Jazz festival.
Also, C-Notes owners referred to a nationwide survey which claims averagely every jazz fan spends about 1000 dollars a year on jazz entertainments. However, the results of this survey is too general and they may not hold true in Monroe, the annual expense on Jazz entertainment in Monroe city might be much lesser than this number. Furthermore the kind of surveyed entertainment is unknown, perhaps Jazz fans spend a lot on buying Jazz instruments or Jazz songs and records rather than on going to Jazz clubs. In this regard, as I mentioned earlier and now I am pointing another aspect of it, a more detailed survey should be run in Monroe city to clarify the approximate money Monroe citizens would spend on going to Jazz clubs.
In conclusion, It may be true that creating a Jazz club in Monroe city become a true success, however the reasons that C-Notes owner have presented in their application have many unjustified claims and make in mind many questions, some of which I have presented above. Answering these question will help evaluate this application and decide whether fund this project or not.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 12 15
No. of Words: 369 350
No. of Characters: 1735 1500
No. of Different Words: 175 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.383 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.702 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.577 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 121 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 78 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 52 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 33 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 30.75 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.305 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.583 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.425 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.425 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.16 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 333, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Furthermore,
... might be much lesser than this number. Furthermore the kind of surveyed entertainment is u...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 487, Rule ID: ON_GOING[1]
Message: Did you mean 'ongoing'?
Suggestion: ongoing
...s or Jazz songs and records rather than on going to Jazz clubs. In this regard, as I men...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 627, Rule ID: SHOULD_BE_DO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'run'?
Suggestion: run
...of it, a more detailed survey should be run in Monroe city to clarify the approxima...
^^^
Line 3, column 707, Rule ID: ON_GOING[1]
Message: Did you mean 'ongoing'?
Suggestion: ongoing
...imate money Monroe citizens would spend on going to Jazz clubs. In conclusion, It may b...
^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, furthermore, however, if, may, regarding, so, while, in conclusion, kind of
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 12.0 19.6327345309 61% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 31.0 28.8173652695 108% => OK
Preposition: 54.0 55.5748502994 97% => OK
Nominalization: 6.0 16.3942115768 37% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1767.0 2260.96107784 78% => OK
No of words: 369.0 441.139720559 84% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.78861788618 5.12650576532 93% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.38284983912 4.56307096286 96% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.62464690595 2.78398813304 94% => OK
Unique words: 176.0 204.123752495 86% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.476964769648 0.468620217663 102% => OK
syllable_count: 541.8 705.55239521 77% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 2.0 4.96107784431 40% => OK
Article: 4.0 8.76447105788 46% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 19.7664670659 61% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 30.0 22.8473053892 131% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 59.7666759621 57.8364921388 103% => OK
Chars per sentence: 147.25 119.503703932 123% => OK
Words per sentence: 30.75 23.324526521 132% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.16666666667 5.70786347227 126% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 5.15768463074 78% => More paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 0.0 6.88822355289 0% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.67664670659 21% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.221733903232 0.218282227539 102% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.100286058251 0.0743258471296 135% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0485676630941 0.0701772020484 69% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.148117390478 0.128457276422 115% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0462877727554 0.0628817314937 74% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 16.5 14.3799401198 115% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 49.49 48.3550499002 102% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.8 12.197005988 113% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.09 12.5979740519 88% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.03 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 68.0 98.500998004 69% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 13.5 12.3882235529 109% => OK
gunning_fog: 14.0 11.1389221557 126% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.