The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Health Naturally, a small but expanding chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
"Our previous experience has been that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build one of our new stores in Plainsville, which clearly has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise equipment are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight-training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainville’s schoolchildren are required to participate in a program called Fitness for Life, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the memo rendered, the vice president of Health Naturally(HN), a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products, recommends opening a new store in Plainville. To support this recommendation, the vice president cites the following facts about Plainville: 1) sales of exercise shoes and clothing are at all-time highs. 2) the local health club is more popular than ever.3) the schoolchildren in this city are required to participate in a fitness program. Also, he mentions to their successful previous sales in the areas in which people tend to have healthy life style. Close scrutiny of each of these points reveals that none of them lend credible support to the recommendation.
Firstly, strong sales of exercise shoes and apparel do not necessarily indicate that Plainville residents are interested in HN’s products or like doing exercise and following healthy lifestyle. Perhaps exercise apparel happens to be fashionable at the moment or this type of clothing is more affordable compared to other types. Even perhaps the stronger than usual sales are due to the increasing sales to tourists. Therefore, with these possible points the vice president cannot say exactly that residents in this city do exercise regularly and buy the HN products. How he can ensure that residents know about HN brand or they are satisfied enough with HN products for repeat buying? The vice president has failed to render any figures or the results of survey conducted about this subject.
Secondly, even if exercise is more popular among people than ever before, the vice president additionally assumes that individuals doing exercise regularly are also willing to buy healthy products. There is no evidence to support this assumption. By lacking such evidence, it is possible that there would be some sport-friendly people who prefer not to have a diet as a result of regular workout.
Thirdly, the popular local health club is little indication that HN will earn a profit from a store in Plainville. Perhaps, the club members live in the areas of Plainville in which HN products are not easily available, and they have no choice but to buy from the rivals. Also, the members tending to buy HN products might be insufficient in number to ensure a profit for the store, especially considering that there only on health club in this city. How big and good this club should be to ensure this profit for the store?
Fourthly, the fact that a certain fitness program is mandatory for schoolchildren in Plainville accomplishes nothing towards bolstering the recommendation. Many years must pass in order these children to become old enough to make their own decision about their type of food. During this period, it is possible that their habit or interest changes radically. Besides, mandatory program is no indication of genuine interest in health or fitness. It is possible that some of these children in their adulthood decide to avoid following healthy lifestyle as a reaction to such compulsory program imposed on them now.
Fifthly, the vice president says that their other stores were profitable in other cities. According to what factors he believes that Plainville branch also could be as successful as other branches in other areas. Whether the conditions of Plainville are comparable to other areas? According to which figures he thinks their stores have been successful. There is no cogent evidence about this subject.
Finally, assuming that Plainville residents are sporty and like doing exercise and following healthy lifestyle. The vice president must prove and check two assumptions in order to convince me the recommendation is valid:
1)the interest towards sport and healthy lifestyle will continue in the foreseeable future.
2)the Plainville residents prefer HN products over other brands that have similar features.
In conclusion, the recommendation relies on some doubtful assumptions that cause it not to be persuasive. To reinforce the recommendation, the vice president must provide valuable evidence by doing a local survey or study. To better assess the recommendation, I need to know more why this city has only one health club. I also require to understand what competition HN will face in Plainville.
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Comments
Essay evaluations by e-grader
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 590, Rule ID: CLOSE_SCRUTINY[1]
Message: Use simply 'scrutiny'.
Suggestion: Scrutiny
...people tend to have healthy life style. Close scrutiny of each of these points reveals that no...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 327, Rule ID: ADJECTIVE_IN_ATTRIBUTE[1]
Message: A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
Suggestion: insufficient
...ers tending to buy HN products might be insufficient in number to ensure a profit for the store, espec...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 526, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...be to ensure this profit for the store? Fourthly, the fact that a certain fitnes...
^^^
Line 11, column 336, Rule ID: ALLOW_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'understanding'? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
Suggestion: understanding
...as only one health club. I also require to understand what competition HN will face in Plainv...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, finally, first, firstly, if, second, secondly, so, therefore, third, thirdly, in conclusion, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 29.0 19.6327345309 148% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 11.1786427146 170% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 54.0 28.8173652695 187% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 91.0 55.5748502994 164% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3565.0 2260.96107784 158% => OK
No of words: 682.0 441.139720559 155% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.22727272727 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.11029644095 4.56307096286 112% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.88363342249 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 300.0 204.123752495 147% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.439882697947 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1109.7 705.55239521 157% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 10.0 4.22255489022 237% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 35.0 19.7664670659 177% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 41.5171860161 57.8364921388 72% => OK
Chars per sentence: 101.857142857 119.503703932 85% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.4857142857 23.324526521 84% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.54285714286 5.70786347227 62% => OK
Paragraphs: 10.0 5.15768463074 194% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 24.0 8.20758483034 292% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.209604556686 0.218282227539 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0548268433975 0.0743258471296 74% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0819852659196 0.0701772020484 117% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0867614978798 0.128457276422 68% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0778485051714 0.0628817314937 124% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.9 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.05 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.1 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 152.0 98.500998004 154% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 54.17 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.25 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 590, Rule ID: CLOSE_SCRUTINY[1]
Message: Use simply 'scrutiny'.
Suggestion: Scrutiny
...people tend to have healthy life style. Close scrutiny of each of these points reveals that no...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 327, Rule ID: ADJECTIVE_IN_ATTRIBUTE[1]
Message: A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
Suggestion: insufficient
...ers tending to buy HN products might be insufficient in number to ensure a profit for the store, espec...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 526, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...be to ensure this profit for the store? Fourthly, the fact that a certain fitnes...
^^^
Line 11, column 336, Rule ID: ALLOW_TO[1]
Message: Did you mean 'understanding'? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
Suggestion: understanding
...as only one health club. I also require to understand what competition HN will face in Plainv...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, finally, first, firstly, if, second, secondly, so, therefore, third, thirdly, in conclusion, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 29.0 19.6327345309 148% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 19.0 11.1786427146 170% => OK
Relative clauses : 20.0 13.6137724551 147% => OK
Pronoun: 54.0 28.8173652695 187% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 91.0 55.5748502994 164% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3565.0 2260.96107784 158% => OK
No of words: 682.0 441.139720559 155% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.22727272727 5.12650576532 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.11029644095 4.56307096286 112% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.88363342249 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 300.0 204.123752495 147% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.439882697947 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 1109.7 705.55239521 157% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 13.0 8.76447105788 148% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 10.0 4.22255489022 237% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 35.0 19.7664670659 177% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 41.5171860161 57.8364921388 72% => OK
Chars per sentence: 101.857142857 119.503703932 85% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.4857142857 23.324526521 84% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.54285714286 5.70786347227 62% => OK
Paragraphs: 10.0 5.15768463074 194% => Less paragraphs wanted.
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 24.0 8.20758483034 292% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.209604556686 0.218282227539 96% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0548268433975 0.0743258471296 74% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0819852659196 0.0701772020484 117% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0867614978798 0.128457276422 68% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0778485051714 0.0628817314937 124% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.9 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.05 12.5979740519 104% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.1 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 152.0 98.500998004 154% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Maximum six paragraphs wanted.
Rates: 54.17 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.25 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.