The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The application written for a small-business loan seems to be eloquent at first glance, but on close examination, it has some logical fallacies which may lead to the failure of its original purpose to apply a loan from the bank. This essay is going to list all the flaws and possible modifications it needs to correct its defects.
The application presented that the new jazz club is the only jazz club within 65 miles area and it will dominate the local market in Monroe. Admittedly, distance is one of the factors people will consider before they visit a club, but it may not be the only reason. Things like the atmosphere, the service and the ornament style are also among the key factors they will add to their consideration. Therefore, the first jazz club in Monroe does not guarantee the success, detailed business plan should be made, including marketing investigation, style of the jazz club and etc, to make the loan application more persuasive.
Also, the application listed several evidences to verify the popularity of jazz in Monroe. More than 100,000 people participated in the annual jazz festival last summer. The figure was just for one year and it could be an exception. It is possible that last year’s festival was the only one to attract so many people. Even if the jazz festival is as popular as explained by the author, most people who attended the festival may be tourists instead of local residents. What’s more, the highest-rated radio program may reflect local people’s preference for their jazz entertainment, which is cheap instead of going to a club. Thus, a survey regarding the preference of local people’s choice for jazz entertainment should be done. In this way, we can know better about whether they prefer to go to the club or they just want to attend jazz festival and listen to radio, which are more money-saving.
Finally, the nationwide study may not be sufficient to represent the situation in Monroe. We all know that the economic status varies from different parts of a country and the overall investigation could be wrong in some specific regions. It is possible that Monroe is suffering from an economic recession due to the dysfunctional administration. The economy will definitely affect people’s buying power and willingness, thereby affecting the operation of clubs. Hence, more data regarding the local economy and people’s willingness to spend on jazz entertainment need to be collected to further evaluate the plan of building a new jazz club.
In sum, detailed business plan, investigation on the popularity of jazz and data on local economy are needed to make the application more eloquent. In this way, the chance they can successfully receive the loan will raise considerably.
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Discourse Markers used:
['also', 'but', 'finally', 'first', 'hence', 'if', 'may', 'regarding', 'so', 'therefore', 'thus']
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance in Part of Speech:
Nouns: 0.253816793893 0.25644967241 99% => OK
Verbs: 0.139312977099 0.15541462614 90% => OK
Adjectives: 0.0973282442748 0.0836205057962 116% => OK
Adverbs: 0.0477099236641 0.0520304965353 92% => OK
Pronouns: 0.0343511450382 0.0272364105082 126% => Less pronouns wanted. Try not to use 'you, I, they, he...' as the subject of a sentence
Prepositions: 0.087786259542 0.125424944231 70% => OK
Participles: 0.030534351145 0.0416121511921 73% => OK
Conjunctions: 2.99042327883 2.79052419416 107% => OK
Infinitives: 0.0381679389313 0.026700313972 143% => OK
Particles: 0.0 0.001811407834 0% => OK
Determiners: 0.108778625954 0.113004496875 96% => OK
Modal_auxiliary: 0.030534351145 0.0255425247493 120% => OK
WH_determiners: 0.00954198473282 0.0127820249294 75% => OK
Vocabulary words and sentences:
No of characters: 2770.0 2731.13054187 101% => OK
No of words: 456.0 446.07635468 102% => OK
Chars per words: 6.07456140351 6.12365571057 99% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.62105577807 4.57801047555 101% => OK
words length more than 5 chars: 0.335526315789 0.378187486979 89% => OK
words length more than 6 chars: 0.269736842105 0.287650121315 94% => OK
words length more than 7 chars: 0.197368421053 0.208842608468 95% => OK
words length more than 8 chars: 0.133771929825 0.135150697306 99% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.99042327883 2.79052419416 107% => OK
Unique words: 225.0 207.018472906 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.493421052632 0.469332199767 105% => OK
Word variations: 56.0708371758 52.1807786196 107% => OK
How many sentences: 21.0 20.039408867 105% => OK
Sentence length: 21.7142857143 23.2022227129 94% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.2670211444 57.7814097925 77% => OK
Chars per sentence: 131.904761905 141.986410481 93% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.7142857143 23.2022227129 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 0.52380952381 0.724660767414 72% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.14285714286 97% => OK
Language errors: 0.0 3.58251231527 0% => OK
Readability: 48.6879699248 51.9672348444 94% => OK
Elegance: 1.68103448276 1.8405768891 91% => OK
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.464417147222 0.441005458295 105% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence: 0.14877906079 0.135418324435 110% => OK
Sentence sentence coherence SD: 0.0987725928565 0.0829849096947 119% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence: 0.575512042723 0.58762219726 98% => OK
Sentence paragraph coherence SD: 0.127807523745 0.147661913831 87% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.204384778523 0.193483328276 106% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0866369990843 0.0970749176394 89% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence: 0.45764731315 0.42659136922 107% => OK
Paragraph paragraph coherence SD: 0.080634439358 0.0774707102158 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.323474167641 0.312017818177 104% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0845850290621 0.0698173142475 121% => OK
Task Achievement:
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 8.33743842365 144% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.87684729064 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.82512315271 62% => OK
Positive topic words: 8.0 6.46551724138 124% => OK
Negative topic words: 5.0 5.36822660099 93% => OK
Neutral topic words: 3.0 2.82389162562 106% => OK
Total topic words: 16.0 14.657635468 109% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
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Rates: 83.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.0 Out of 6 -- The score is based on the average performance of 20,000 argument essays. This e-grader is not smart enough to check on arguments.
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Note: This is not the final score. The e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.