In some countries children are told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message

Essay topics:

In some countries, children are told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In some cultures, some people often teach children that when they work hard enough, they can have anything. While I accept that it can be beneficial, I also believe that it brings some negative consequences as well.
On the one hand, this educating message can lead to some positive effects. It encourages children to pursue their dream and passion. We can see that it is easy for children to give up on their action which seems to be challenging. In such cases, this thought can be useful to drive them to keep going. Nguyen Quang Hai, who practiced football industriously during his childhood despite his short stature, is now a star on the Vietnam football field. Another benefit is that it persuades children to stand up after a failure. If children do not believe that they can achieve their goal someday, they may assume that their effort could be useless hence stop trying.
On the other hand, this message can result in some drawbacks. If children have a strong belief in it, they could set unrealistic goals. However, if they are unable to achieve it, they may get disappointed, even depressed. The second consequence is that it can put children under pressure. They could work around the clock every day with the hope of being successful, which can be detrimental to their health. One of my former friends, for example, spent over 5 hours per day sitting to study mass of stuffs instead of taking part in outside activities, therefore she ended up becoming overweight, and her eyesight has also gotten worse.
In conclusion, the belief that children can achieve any goal if they spend enough effort can have both favorable and unfavorable consequences.

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Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
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...ngs some negative consequences as well. On the one hand, this educating message ...
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Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
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...ort could be useless hence stop trying. On the other hand, this message can resu...
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Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
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...and her eyesight has also gotten worse. In conclusion, the belief that children ...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, hence, however, if, may, second, so, therefore, well, while, for example, in conclusion, on the other hand

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 13.1623246493 84% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 7.85571142285 204% => Less auxiliary verb wanted.
Conjunction : 3.0 10.4138276553 29% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 13.0 7.30460921844 178% => OK
Pronoun: 43.0 24.0651302605 179% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 35.0 41.998997996 83% => OK
Nominalization: 1.0 8.3376753507 12% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1384.0 1615.20841683 86% => OK
No of words: 284.0 315.596192385 90% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 4.87323943662 5.12529762239 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.10515524023 4.20363070211 98% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.59413144478 2.80592935109 92% => OK
Unique words: 171.0 176.041082164 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.602112676056 0.561755894193 107% => OK
syllable_count: 414.9 506.74238477 82% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.60771543086 93% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 5.43587174349 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 2.0 2.52805611222 79% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.10420841683 190% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 0.809619238477 124% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.76152304609 105% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 16.0721442886 100% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 20.2975951904 84% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 43.0297861951 49.4020404114 87% => OK
Chars per sentence: 86.5 106.682146367 81% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.75 20.7667163134 85% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.0 7.06120827912 99% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.38176352705 91% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.01903807615 60% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 9.0 8.67935871743 104% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 3.9879759519 150% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 3.4128256513 29% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.387948440139 0.244688304435 159% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.133279061099 0.084324248473 158% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0890030505368 0.0667982634062 133% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.261540247439 0.151304729494 173% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0229196236688 0.056905535591 40% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.4 13.0946893788 79% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.68 50.2224549098 125% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.44779559118 42% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 11.3001002004 77% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.67 12.4159519038 86% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.43 8.58950901804 87% => OK
difficult_words: 53.0 78.4519038076 68% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 9.78957915832 72% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 10.1190380762 87% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.7795591182 83% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 61.797752809 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 5.5 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.