Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic regions. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of the year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the purported decline in deer populations is the result of the deer's being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea.
Write a response in which
The author explained the deer population’s diseasing by the change of deer’s life pattern after the global warming occurred, thus reach to the conclusion that the decline of the population as a result of the changed pattern. While it seems reasonable at the first sight of the author’s argument, the evidence provided in the passage is not quite convincible when looking it closely, which can tell a different story about the deer and certainly undermine the argument
To begin, it is problematic of climate change contribute to the deer’s living pattern, which leads to the decrease of its population just because the climate change happened ahead. If the deer can find a different path for foraging or their life pattern disturbed by predators’ number increasing, then even though climate change happened, it did not influence the deer’s population directly. Moreover, even if the climate change were true and it did affect deer to travel between different islands for the melting ice, it still hard to connect the reason that it will hit the deer’s population because the climate change is a slow process rather than a rapid change, such as volcano eruption or earthquake, which can change the landscape suddenly. Otherwise, is there any other change happened, for example, the virus which can survive in warm weather infects deer and got popular, or the warm weather suppressed deer’s appetite, these situations will undermine the attribution of climate change.
Additionally, the changing pattern of the traveling can influence the deer’s population seems reckless because the argument is lacking evidence that the pattern is exclusive. For example, it there any possibility that the pattern changed is because residents hunting more than before? Also, is there any chance of the deer move to another island and traveling with another island even further than the current situation, therefore over the view of the hunter who reported in this argument. Then the population did not decrease at all. Without knowing these possibilities, the conclusion is not plausible.
Last but not least, the author made an assumption based on the local hunter’s report, which is too less to be reliable evidence. Another witness, for example, the scientists working over there, the data from the local government should be considered too. Nonetheless, whether the hunter’s report is veritable depends on the weather of the report. If the hunter reported at summertime instead of in winter, it probably will change the whole story.
To sum up, the argument is about the reason that the deer population decreased. Although the author provided the fact that deer’s living pattern and their food favorite, connecting the climate change’s influence on the living pattern cannot enough conclude that it is the major reason. To convince the audience, the author needs to show other possibilities are excluded in this case.
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| 2023-07-17 | okazaki11 | 72 | view |
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 467 350
No. of Characters: 2385 1500
No. of Different Words: 218 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.649 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.107 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.572 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 196 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 148 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 92 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 54 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 25.944 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.087 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.722 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.345 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.58 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.098 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 7, column 384, Rule ID: SUMMER_TIME[1]
Message: Use simply 'summer'.
Suggestion: summer
...f the report. If the hunter reported at summertime instead of in winter, it probably will ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, if, look, moreover, nonetheless, so, still, then, therefore, thus, while, for example, such as, as a result, to sum up
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 17.0 19.6327345309 87% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 12.9520958084 77% => OK
Conjunction : 9.0 11.1786427146 81% => OK
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 24.0 28.8173652695 83% => OK
Preposition: 47.0 55.5748502994 85% => OK
Nominalization: 25.0 16.3942115768 152% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2515.0 2260.96107784 111% => OK
No of words: 467.0 441.139720559 106% => OK
Chars per words: 5.38543897216 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.64867537961 4.56307096286 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.89960746522 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 227.0 204.123752495 111% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.48608137045 0.468620217663 104% => OK
syllable_count: 778.5 705.55239521 110% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 4.96107784431 121% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 4.0 4.22255489022 95% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 22.8473053892 118% => OK
Sentence length SD: 103.097863946 57.8364921388 178% => OK
Chars per sentence: 147.941176471 119.503703932 124% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.4705882353 23.324526521 118% => OK
Discourse Markers: 8.0 5.70786347227 140% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 4.0 8.20758483034 49% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.124004686723 0.218282227539 57% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0425427383823 0.0743258471296 57% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0419708462929 0.0701772020484 60% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0741253917 0.128457276422 58% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0284746794991 0.0628817314937 45% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.7 14.3799401198 123% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 35.61 48.3550499002 74% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.0 12.197005988 123% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.28 12.5979740519 113% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.9 8.32208582834 107% => OK
difficult_words: 116.0 98.500998004 118% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 29.0 12.3882235529 234% => Linsear_write_formula is high.
gunning_fog: 12.8 11.1389221557 115% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.