The bar chart below shows the results of survey conducted by a personal department at a major company. The survey was carried out on 2 groups of workers. Those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.

Essay topics:

The bar chart below shows the results of survey conducted by a personal department at a major company. The survey was carried out on 2 groups of workers. Those aged from 18-30 and those aged 45-60, and shows factors affecting their work performance.

Submitted by Diljot on Tue, 06/26/2018 - 07:51

The given horizontal chart reveals the information about the survey of major company which was conducted by a personnel department . It was carried out on two groups young ones and old ones and shows 10 factors affecting their work performance . It is calibrated in percentage which is clear and coherent represented.

Overall, it is evident that the maximum factors affected on adults presentation whereas, the minimum was on old masses.

It can be seen that in team spirit the work performance factor was equal for both ages group that were above 60% whereas in the case of chance for personal development the people decreased rather than young masses.Furthermore, in the next factor 18-30 ages group people had approximately 80% and 45-60 ages group had been 38% . Apart from this , work performance remained same in competent boss for both ages groups. Besides, for job security, the work presentation less of old ones other than youngster which were 22% and 42% respectively.

As far as trend was concerned, in the trend of respect from colleagues and , job satisfaction had been almost constant for all person. While, in the work environment it also fixed that was below 40% . As well as the work representation in money was minor decreased for 45-60 age group other than 18-30 . In the last but not least the work performance rose up of adults in promotion prospects and dip down of oldster.

Votes
Average: 7.3 (1 vote)
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IELTS Writing Task I - IELTS Academic

Comments

Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 131, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
... was conducted by a personnel department . It was carried out on two groups young ...
^^
Line 1, column 244, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...factors affecting their work performance . It is calibrated in percentage which is...
^^
Line 3, column 61, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'adults'' or 'adult's'?
Suggestion: adults'; adult's
...nt that the maximum factors affected on adults presentation whereas, the minimum was o...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 215, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: Furthermore
...ople decreased rather than young masses.Furthermore, in the next factor 18-30 ages group pe...
^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 326, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...ly 80% and 45-60 ages group had been 38% . Apart from this , work performance rema...
^^
Line 5, column 344, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...ges group had been 38% . Apart from this , work performance remained same in compe...
^^
Line 7, column 75, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
Suggestion: ,
...the trend of respect from colleagues and , job satisfaction had been almost consta...
^^
Line 7, column 136, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “While” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...ad been almost constant for all person. While, in the work environment it also fixed ...
^^^^^
Line 7, column 199, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...ronment it also fixed that was below 40% . As well as the work representation in m...
^^
Line 7, column 302, Rule ID: COMMA_PARENTHESIS_WHITESPACE
Message: Don't put a space before the full stop
Suggestion: .
...sed for 45-60 age group other than 18-30 . In the last but not least the work perf...
^^

Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, besides, but, furthermore, so, well, whereas, while, apart from, as well as

Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments

Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 7.0 214% => Less to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 1.0 1.00243902439 100% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 6.8 118% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 3.15609756098 222% => Less relative clauses wanted (maybe 'which' is over used).
Pronoun: 11.0 5.60731707317 196% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 28.0 33.7804878049 83% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 3.97073170732 327% => Less nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.

Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1167.0 965.302439024 121% => OK
No of words: 234.0 196.424390244 119% => OK
Chars per words: 4.98717948718 4.92477711251 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 3.91114542567 3.73543355544 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.89198818603 2.65546596893 109% => OK
Unique words: 136.0 106.607317073 128% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.581196581197 0.547539520022 106% => OK
syllable_count: 340.2 283.868780488 120% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.45097560976 103% => OK

A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 1.53170731707 261% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 3.0 4.33902439024 69% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 1.07073170732 187% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 0.482926829268 0% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 3.36585365854 149% => OK

Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 11.0 8.94146341463 123% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.4926829268 93% => OK
Sentence length SD: 67.2288554734 43.030603864 156% => OK
Chars per sentence: 106.090909091 112.824112599 94% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.2727272727 22.9334400587 93% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.36363636364 5.23603664747 141% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 3.83414634146 104% => OK
Language errors: 10.0 1.69756097561 589% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 3.70975609756 189% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 1.0 1.13902439024 88% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.09268292683 73% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?

Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.331992600428 0.215688989381 154% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.110864906875 0.103423049105 107% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0834871652023 0.0843802449381 99% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.182332256409 0.15604864568 117% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.069063156144 0.0819641961636 84% => OK

Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.7 13.2329268293 96% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 58.62 61.2550243902 96% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.51609756098 135% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.3 10.3012195122 100% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.66 11.4140731707 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.25 8.06136585366 102% => OK
difficult_words: 53.0 40.7170731707 130% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 11.4329268293 96% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 10.9970731707 95% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.0658536585 99% => OK
What are above readability scores?

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Rates: 73.0337078652 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 6.5 Out of 9
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.