Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools especially at the preschool level Do you agree or disagree Give your opinion

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Some say that music is as important as other subjects in schools, especially at the preschool level. Do you agree or disagree? Give your opinion.

Some believe that music is an integral part of human being’s life and it plays a major role in life. But on the other hand, some do not accord with the notion. However, from my personal point of view, it’s a good idea to implement music in preschool as a subject.

To begin with, music gives an ecstatic sigh of happiness and provides entertainment in one’s life as people are always fond of indulging in a plethora of activities such as listening to music and involving in other sorts of recreational instruments. In relation preschool level kids, it teaches them how to be a disciplined pupil and successful in life. Music assists the kids to develop and broaden their mind. For instance, kids minds are as a blank sheet of paper and they are prone to grab or imprint anything easily that is taught them in their early stage of their life. Thus, teaching music in an early age may open a door of success in life as today’s kids can be a prominent musician in future as well.

To further emphasizing on my view, music brings peace and harmony in life and it can be a major source of intellectual and personal development of the students. In the same way, a nation’s particular music can be preserved by handing over to the young generation from their young age as we happen to see that traditional music, culture and costumes are on the verge of extinction because of the arrival of the latest technology. In this situation, teaching music in preschools as a compulsory subject has a contribution to keep it alive.

However, on the other side of the fence, there are some pitfalls of formulating music in early stage of life. The main reason is that students may lose their concentration to their other subjects and mainly focus on music; consequently, they may fail in the class.

In conclusion, music welcomes the good qualities in life and it leads the kids to the success. Therefore schools should encourage their pupils to engage in any sorts of music and focus on other subjects equally as well. I would say music is a repository of all the merits and it can be utilised any stage of life.

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But on the other hand, some do not accord with the notion. However,...
Description: 'On the other hand' means 'However'. It doesn't mean 'On another hand'.

it can be utilised any stage of life.
it can be utilised in any stage of life.

flaws:
You only get 6.5 because of the introduction with this sentence:
'But on the other hand, some do not accord with the notion. However,...'

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Score: 6.5 out of 9
Category: Good Excellent
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No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
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Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.403 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.481 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.591 2.4
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Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.5 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.52 7.5
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Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.104 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5