"The city of Grandview has provided annual funding for the Grandview Symphony since the symphony's inception ten years ago. Last year the symphony hired an internationally known conductor, who has been able to attract high-profile guest musicians to perform with the symphony. Since then, private contributions to the symphony have doubled and attendance at the symphony's concerts-in-the-park series has reached new highs. Now that the Grandview Symphony is an established success, it can raise ticket prices. Increased revenue from larger audiences and higher ticket prices will enable the symphony to succeed without funding from the city government."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
In the memo, the author argues that increased revenue from larger audiences and higher ticket prices will enable the Grandview Symphony to succeed without funding from the city government. It seems convincing at first, however, lack of evidence leads me to question the soundness of the argument.
Fisrt, the author should give more credible evidence on increased attandace. It is too hasty to judge that the symphony could succed since they have doubled audiences. If the initial number of the attendance is marginal that doubled number of them is not significant. Moreover, the increased number of audiences might be aberation that the new conductor who is internationally famous was original in first year. The increased attendance might be either aberation or insignificant.
Second, more detail evidence should be provided on the ticket prices and other expenses of the symphony. To succeed, the symphony should not increase their ticket prices until it sustain adequate audiences to keep its profit. The financial condition of the symphony should be viewed in a long run, one year cannot indicate the further success. It is too hasty for the symphony to stand alone from the government funding.
Finally, the author should afford more concrete evidence on the income and expenses of the Symphony. The Grandview Symphony should consider the exact profit and loss, to elaborate, to retain the internationally famous conductor and high-profile musicians, the symphony have to cover the most highest wage ever since their inception. It should be approved that incresed revenue would not be override by the expense which was also increased.
In summary, the author’s argument seems unconvincing on many grounds. To bolster the argument more information should be considered and more detail evidence are needed on the symphony without funding.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Sentence: Fisrt, the author should give more credible evidence on increased attandace.
Error: attandace Suggestion: attendance
Sentence: It is too hasty to judge that the symphony could succed since they have doubled audiences.
Error: succed Suggestion: succeed
Sentence: Moreover, the increased number of audiences might be aberation that the new conductor who is internationally famous was original in first year.
Error: aberation Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: The increased attendance might be either aberation or insignificant.
Error: aberation Suggestion: No alternate word
Sentence: It should be approved that incresed revenue would not be override by the expense which was also increased.
Error: incresed Suggestion: increased
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flaws:
No. of Words: 290 350
----------------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 5 2
No. of Sentences: 16 15
No. of Words: 290 350
No. of Characters: 1521 1500
No. of Different Words: 146 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.127 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.245 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.666 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 131 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 92 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 70 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 18.125 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.234 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.438 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.365 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.592 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.1 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 169, Rule ID: SENTENCE_FRAGMENT[1]
Message: “If” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
...cced since they have doubled audiences. If the initial number of the attendance is...
^^
Line 7, column 288, Rule ID: MOST_SUPERLATIVE[1]
Message: Use only 'highest' (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
Suggestion: highest
...sicians, the symphony have to cover the most highest wage ever since their inception. It sho...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 288, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[2]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: 'most the highest'.
Suggestion: most the highest
...sicians, the symphony have to cover the most highest wage ever since their inception. It sho...
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, finally, first, however, if, moreover, second, so, in summary
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 15.0 19.6327345309 76% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 14.0 12.9520958084 108% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 7.0 13.6137724551 51% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 16.0 28.8173652695 56% => OK
Preposition: 37.0 55.5748502994 67% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1571.0 2260.96107784 69% => OK
No of words: 290.0 441.139720559 66% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.41724137931 5.12650576532 106% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.12666770723 4.56307096286 90% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.79221995393 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 151.0 204.123752495 74% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.520689655172 0.468620217663 111% => OK
syllable_count: 489.6 705.55239521 69% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 4.0 4.96107784431 81% => OK
Article: 10.0 8.76447105788 114% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.22255489022 142% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 16.0 19.7664670659 81% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 18.0 22.8473053892 79% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 41.9221283304 57.8364921388 72% => OK
Chars per sentence: 98.1875 119.503703932 82% => OK
Words per sentence: 18.125 23.324526521 78% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.1875 5.70786347227 73% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 8.0 8.20758483034 97% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 6.88822355289 73% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.196935864114 0.218282227539 90% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0614260293373 0.0743258471296 83% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0636877555198 0.0701772020484 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.109925044099 0.128457276422 86% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.025916665032 0.0628817314937 41% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.2 14.3799401198 92% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 44.75 48.3550499002 93% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.86 12.5979740519 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.67 8.32208582834 104% => OK
difficult_words: 76.0 98.500998004 77% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 12.3882235529 61% => OK
gunning_fog: 9.2 11.1389221557 83% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 54.17 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.25 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.