The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The argument depicts a part of an application for a new jazz club. Mentioned part devoted to providing factual background proving that market for the club exists and that developers will manage to create a product interesting for jazz aficionados of Monroe. Though the initiative may be successful, additional information should be provided for the loan to be approved.
To begin with, developers presented several facts in attempt to substantiate that resident of Monroe love jazz. For example, annual jazz festival gatheres over 100 000 jazz fans. The fact itself, though sounds impressive, does not prove that jazz festival visitors will become club’s customers. For the festival people might have come to Monroe from all over the country and exactly that people won’t come to the club. On top of that, may be Monroe residents visit jazz festival because that is the only event during the summer and residents visit it because of the absence of other options. To find out whether festival visitors will come to the club, the group of developers should find out what percent of festival visitors are 1) Monroe residents and 2) are true jazz lovers. May be that is the reason why there is no any competition in a radius of 65 miles. People of Monroe just do not strive for jazz and enjoy it occasionally.
As a prove of rife jazz fans in the city, developers point at a jazz radio program as the most popular one. The speculation is rather popular for any selling story: number 1 rank always impresses at first sight. However, being number 1 in a small stratum diminishes significance of the fact to almost nothing. If the total number of radio listeners in Monroe is equal to 10, it does not really matter what is their #1 choice. Except the number of listeners, one should question whether those who listen to the most popular radio program at 7p.m. on weekend evening will go outside to listen to the same music or that listeners are not looking for a music itself but additional information that radio DJ provides. That would also cast a serious doubt on how typical jazz aficionado of Monroe are: if they prefer to satiate their urge for music at home near radio transistor, the likelihood of spending 1000$ on jazz entertainment in the club is very low. I would say, that this type of consumer will, most likely, spend on acoustic equipment and rare vinyl. We just don’t know.
Finally, as one of assurances that the product – in other words, the satisfaction from visiting the club - also promises to be at high level, arguers note that prominent jazz performers are living in the city. No matter how good that sounds (and, by the way, could be used in advertising campaigns), this fact taken out of the context means nothing. Well-known musicians usually ask significant honorarium that can seriously undermine profitability of the new venue. Especially, if total number of visitors and/or average bill and/or fee for ticket do not cover expenses. As a result, I would say that proper profit-and-loss analysis should be conducted to know whether popular musicians are affordable.
In conclusion, the arguers presented a hodgepodge of evidences related to jazz club prospects but failed to make a cogent case. Though it looks like the market for jazz club may exist, the confirmation that it is consistent is vague and asks for additional data.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
some arguments lost, like:
Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself.
Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 575 350
No. of Characters: 2714 1500
No. of Different Words: 284 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.897 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.72 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.612 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 190 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 131 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 87 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 63 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.115 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.629 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.615 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.269 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.463 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.062 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 2, column 792, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[8]
Message: The proper name in singular (May) must be used with a third-person verb: 'is'.
Suggestion: is
...sidents and 2 are true jazz lovers. May be that is the reason why there is no any ...
^^
Line 2, column 827, Rule ID: NOW[2]
Message: Did you mean 'now' (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
Suggestion: now
... May be that is the reason why there is no any competition in a radius of 65 miles...
^^
Line 3, column 4, Rule ID: A_INFINITVE[1]
Message: Probably a wrong construction: a/the + infinitive
...for jazz and enjoy it occasionally. As a prove of rife jazz fans in the city, develope...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 901, Rule ID: CURRENCY[1]
Message: The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: '$1000'.
Suggestion: $1000
... transistor, the likelihood of spending 1000$ on jazz entertainment in the club is ve...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 94, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...evidences related to jazz club prospects but failed to make a cogent case. Though...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, finally, first, however, if, look, may, really, so, well, for example, in conclusion, as a result, by the way, in other words, to begin with, on top of that
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 24.0 19.6327345309 122% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 19.0 12.9520958084 147% => OK
Conjunction : 16.0 11.1786427146 143% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 34.0 28.8173652695 118% => OK
Preposition: 73.0 55.5748502994 131% => OK
Nominalization: 13.0 16.3942115768 79% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2799.0 2260.96107784 124% => OK
No of words: 572.0 441.139720559 130% => OK
Chars per words: 4.89335664336 5.12650576532 95% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.89045207381 4.56307096286 107% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.69312346502 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 291.0 204.123752495 143% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.508741258741 0.468620217663 109% => OK
syllable_count: 866.7 705.55239521 123% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 8.0 2.70958083832 295% => Less adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 7.0 4.22255489022 166% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 19.7664670659 132% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 56.039781411 57.8364921388 97% => OK
Chars per sentence: 107.653846154 119.503703932 90% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.0 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.42307692308 5.70786347227 113% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 5.0 5.25449101796 95% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 20.0 8.20758483034 244% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 4.0 6.88822355289 58% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.340949934133 0.218282227539 156% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0949939853174 0.0743258471296 128% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0649909639975 0.0701772020484 93% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.196042236325 0.128457276422 153% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0667525042087 0.0628817314937 106% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.6 14.3799401198 88% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 48.3550499002 119% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.08 12.5979740519 88% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.07 8.32208582834 97% => OK
difficult_words: 121.0 98.500998004 123% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 12.3882235529 69% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.