The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group
of developers in the city of Monroe.
"A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the
nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note,
would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over
100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz
musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,'
which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical
jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment."
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the
argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author predicts that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. The prediction is mainly base on that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away and over 10000 people attended Monroe’s annual jazz festival last summer. Nevertheless, some specific proofs should be offered before the author proves the validity of his argument.
The author mentions that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away currently and infers that the C-Note would have the local market all to itself. Apparently, behind the inference lies the assumption that there would be no rivals in the local area. However, the lack of jazz club, in itself, fails to substantially prove the lack of rivals in the whole jazz market for the C-Note. In all likelihood, there are many night clubs in Monroe, where people can also enjoy jazz music since if people want to enjoy jazz somewhere, they do not need to go to jazz club. Besides, it is also probable that a myriad of cafes and restaurants may also employ the jazz bands to perform for their customers. Numerous potential rivals do exist, so it may be difficult for the C-Note to dominate the local market. Hence, some specific credence should be provided to validate the argument.
The author also demonstrates that over 100000 people attended Monroe’s annual jazz festival last summer. Basing on the data, he deduces that the jazz music is extremely popular among the residents. Nonetheless, in absence of further evidences, the vague data cannot sufficiently prove that the inference is justifiable. First, it is entirely possible that 100000 people cannot represent a large number of people. Maybe the local population is several billion, which engender the 100000 people to be a small proportion of it. In addition, even though numerous people attended Monroe’s annual jazz festival, it does not mean that they are all the residents of local area. Contrarily, the majority of them may be travelers. As a result, the local people may never show any interest in jazz music. Therefore, lacing the exact data of base mount and the proportion of local people, the argument cannot hold water.
On the basis that the jazz music is extremely popular and there are no rivals in the area, it is still hasty for the author to conclude that a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendously profitable. More specific proofs should be afforded to reinforce the conclusion. First, it is likely that people like to listen to the jazz music through radio program, or they prefer to buy jazz CD, nut they are reluctant to pay for the jazz club. Moreover, if the jazz performance in this club is terribly poor, it will not capture any zealots of jazz. Additionally, the profit is swayed by the revenue and expenditure, which means that the spending of the instruments, rent fee and the payment for the waiters and band should be taken into consideration, thus the profits may not be dramatic as expected. Under these scenarios, the conclusion is not convincing.
Overall, although the conclusion may be comprehensible, some specific proofs need to be released to better evaluate the argument. In that case, the argument and the conclusion will be more reasoning and convincing.
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Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 27 15
No. of Words: 541 350
No. of Characters: 2602 1500
No. of Different Words: 233 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.823 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.81 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.527 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 184 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 117 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 95 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 51 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 20.037 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.5 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.704 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.306 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.479 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.089 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 9, column 393, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...ble that 100000 people cannot represent a large number of people. Maybe the local population is s...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, apparently, besides, first, hence, however, if, may, moreover, nevertheless, nonetheless, so, still, therefore, thus, in addition, as a result
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 32.0 19.6327345309 163% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 22.0 12.9520958084 170% => OK
Conjunction : 11.0 11.1786427146 98% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 36.0 28.8173652695 125% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 57.0 55.5748502994 103% => OK
Nominalization: 18.0 16.3942115768 110% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2704.0 2260.96107784 120% => OK
No of words: 541.0 441.139720559 123% => OK
Chars per words: 4.99815157116 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.82280071112 4.56307096286 106% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71772600251 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 245.0 204.123752495 120% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.452865064695 0.468620217663 97% => OK
syllable_count: 828.9 705.55239521 117% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 4.96107784431 161% => OK
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.22255489022 189% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 27.0 19.7664670659 137% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 22.8473053892 88% => OK
Sentence length SD: 44.4087202104 57.8364921388 77% => OK
Chars per sentence: 100.148148148 119.503703932 84% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.037037037 23.324526521 86% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.48148148148 5.70786347227 96% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 1.0 5.25449101796 19% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 11.0 8.20758483034 134% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 10.0 6.88822355289 145% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.67664670659 128% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.333870421004 0.218282227539 153% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0983532784303 0.0743258471296 132% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0987549604573 0.0701772020484 141% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.206743005975 0.128457276422 161% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.110148966538 0.0628817314937 175% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 12.1 14.3799401198 84% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 48.3550499002 123% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 12.197005988 81% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.72 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.19 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 122.0 98.500998004 124% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 11.0 12.3882235529 89% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 11.1389221557 90% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 11.9071856287 84% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.